Oh man. I am listening to the back and forth at the front desk.

Behind the desk: Name and date of birth, please.

Older Patient: When I woke up, it was _______. I don’t think it has changed! If it has, I guess I am in the right place! (hardy har har)

Behind the desk: Name and date of birth, please.

Another Older Patient: Getting a little personal, aren’t ya?! (hardy har har har har)

Behind the desk: Name and date of birth, please.

Another Older Patient: Yes, you can. I’m here for a colonoscopy.

Behind the desk: Name and date of birth, please.

Another Older Patient: Social Security Number? 555.55.5050.

Behind the desk: Name and date of birth, please.

And still another Older Patient: Huh? Speak up!

(sequence repeated three more times)

***************************

I am grateful for behind-the-deskers who are so pleasant to every patient, no matter what.

I am grateful for a “no news is good news” attitude, I guess.

I am grateful for laughter in the waiting room as we all were probably feeling the same angst.

I am grateful for great conversation with two kids who see the world very differently than me.

I am grateful for cinnamon gum.

I am grateful for all the rainy days last week to store up pleasantness for the hot and humid days that weren’t so…and I am so grateful for this week’s rainy days that make me so happy to drive in, to hear the thunder, to watch the happy flowers.

I am grateful Sam’s procedure last week is now considered “routine” and we no longer drive to those procedures in trepidation.

I am grateful when the AC shuts off and my hands have a small chance of warming up. I need one of those warm blankets, please.

I am grateful for a silly patient husband coming off anesthesia with hardly a clue of how loud and funny and slightly inappropriate he is.

I am grateful for answered yes prayers, for good news, and for another long reprieve from procedures.

I am grateful to have seen my sister’s colorful yard.

I am grateful for good times and forever memories with this grown up granddaughter and former foster son who is now to be forever known as “son.” Fosters no more, they are MINE, and I am blessed.

I am grateful for spearmint gum.

I am grateful for a cool weekend to look forward to.

I am grateful Sam has friends who are willing and able to help with vehicle repairs and have big and huge hearts.

I am grateful to have received a box of babies from my granddaughter who was worried about her cousins when they come to visit Ama.

I am grateful I will see Michelle tomorrow. She knows my heart…

I am grateful for an absence of mice, ticks, fleas, mosquitoes, and snakes. I am not sure I would be able to remain. Period.

I am grateful for a wonderful boss friend. She also knows my heart.

I am grateful for an appointment next week that might solve a mystery and let me know what is going on in my head. Dizzy on repeat.

I am grateful for Dad’s community and circle. They are all such wonderful people and he fits in so well. I love to hear them laugh at his smart remarks and funny jokes.

And finally, Psalm 16:2, NLT: I said to the Lord, “You are my Master! Every good thing I have comes from you.”

ad·dict

/ˈadikt/

an enthusiastic devotee of a specified thing or activity.

My co-worker just opened a package of crackers next door and now I cannot work. I am so distracted by the thought of eating an entire sleeve of Ritz or saltines or box of Cheez-its or Bretons or Triscuits. All I have is an apple, AND I AM NOT SATISFIED.

The realization that I am not only addicted to crackers, but also the SOUND of cracker packaging…I have a problem. Yes, I could eat the entire sleeve of just about any type of cracker in one sitting. Put me on a deserted island and give me ONE food to eat the rest of my life? Potatoes would be #1, but crackers are a close #2, because they are the best substitute for CHIPS.

(sigh) Hello, my name is Rhonda, and I am an addict.

I am grateful for crackers and chips and all things potato or bread.

I am grateful for evidence of weight loss at the doctor’s office, but I am not grateful for the DEPRIVATION.

I am grateful for such a pleasant evening on the front porch with granddaughter and son doing nothing but talking about nothing in particular. It might become a favorite memory.

I am grateful Split found a comfortable place to lounge and granddaughter caught her in the act.

I am grateful for conviction to do better, be better, and the reminder to never look down on someone unless I am admiring their shoes.

I am grateful for access to healthcare.

I am grateful for a-okay bloodwork.

I am grateful for thunder, lightning, the smell and sound of rain, and a lunar eclipse.

I am grateful for John 8:3-7.

And I am grateful for cat smiles.

This week, I have walked pre- 6 am on a walking/biking trail next to a well-traveled street. That early in the morning, there isn’t a lot of traffic, wheeled or legged. It is nice and quiet so that I can enjoy the heavy humid air, sweaty skin, and a really good book. Really good books are really good for taking you out of your reality and placing you into an alternate space, but there ARE occasions that I have to rewind 30 seconds online because I was distracted by a robin and worm or a cute dog on a leash or the sunrise…or a ridiculously loud truck with wheels too big and exhaust pipe meant for a tugboat.

Once upon a time not too long ago in our transition back to the metro, my sister introduced me to bike trails and common courtesy. Who knew, not me.

As we rode along between the trees, she instructed that when we were approaching someone ahead of us going in the same direction, it was kind to give them fair warning. Before we passed them, she would say, “On the left!” loud enough they would be able to hear but not so loud that they would jump. It would give them time to move to the right to give us room with our bikes, and it would let them know we were there so they would not be startled. It works very well. I taught that concept to my grandchildren when they spent a week with us last year and we all went riding on the trails.

It isn’t just for bikers. It works really well if you happen to be a jogger, too. And it works really well when you aren’t on a trail but on a sidewalk.

You know what? There are quite a few uneducated joggers and bikers in these parts. My heart can attest to that.

I suppose at 2 pm in the middle of the afternoon, one might expect a lot of trail traffic and just dismiss left lane passers. But 6 am quiet of the day surprises are walking defibrillators. You might think a walker could hear the foot pound of a jogger or the whir of bike wheels approaching from behind. Nay nay. When sweaty walkers are listening to chapter 7 and the story is getting soooo good and taking their mind off the misery of the sweaty walking, they do not hear the approach.

All this to say,

I am grateful my sister taught me common courtesy.

I am grateful my heart is still ticking.

I am grateful for the rewind 30 seconds button.

I am grateful for quiet Dodge Rams.

I am grateful for civilization at pre- 6 am so that I am not completely alone out there.

I am grateful for common courtesy, rare as it may be.

Oh. And I am grateful for flowers from my sister’s yard. They gave me a very nice heart jolt every time I walked into the room.

It is July in May. It is going to be a long summer. I am grateful for air conditioning and I am also grateful for the wind this morning on my pre-90 degree walk.

Sweat is dripping off my face, my hair sticks to my forehead in the wet wind, and even though I am in complete and total misery because I am shallow and cannot handle, I have to stop and recognize the glory and count this blessing from God that very few at 6:15 am will see.

Our home is full, and it has been an exhausting five days. I am grateful for room to welcome neighbor guests, room to welcome a granddaughter to live with us for the summer, room to welcome home our son and get him settled back into his space.

I miss my mom and wish I could call her and tell her all about the weekend. Instead, after dinner Sunday night, we loaded up our two kids and went to Dairy Queen. I ordered a Peanut Buster Parfait, Mom’s favorite, and enjoyed every bite. I pay for that indulgence with my morning 5 mile walks in the heavy humid morning air. Fair trade. I am grateful for memories of Mom, for a Dairy Queen down the street, for laughter with two kids in the backseat, for a live cat alarm at 5:30 am, and for the ability to walk those five miles on this July day in May.

My sister got me out of my box again and we took granddaughter with us. There is no word I can come up with to describe that feeling of overwhelm when everything around you is just a blur and you are so exhausted and mind blown tired that you have a hard time even thinking – it is an emotional tired more than a physical tired. Every other time I would have kindly declined and curled up in a ball for a long nap, but I didn’t this time, and for that, I am grateful. And we have a picture of our art to prove it.

Finally, I am grateful for the promise of brighter days and seasons.

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning.

– Lamentations 3:22-23 NLT

My cup is full of every kind of emotion and running over…

I am grateful God sees deep inside me and just knows all the things and I don’t really have to come up with the words.

I am grateful for extremely powerful car wash vacuums and their long hoses that reach all the way.

I am grateful that all life seasons are not like this.

I am grateful for hope when it doesn’t look promising.

I am grateful for memories of just being able to call Mom and she would listen, no matter what it was or how long it took.

I am grateful for new flowers in the pots.

I am grateful for the pleasantness of walking in to our home last night after a long day at work and hearing quiet, beautiful music that Sam had on for me before he left for work.

I am grateful for doctors who are masters at small talk to make you feel a little less uncomfortable.

I am grateful for good news and answers to prayers emails from my brother.

I am grateful for a moment yesterday when my first thought was, “I need to call MOM.”

I am grateful for a lint brush.

I am grateful for really good songs on the car radio that speak to me at just the right time.

I am grateful for the excitement and anticipation of Tatum’s arrival tonight.

I am grateful that I love like my Mom and Dad love – without a doubt and with blinders on.

I am grateful for the smell of rain, and lilacs, and fresh cut grass, and a really good lotion, and Chi hair products, and grilled meat air wafting through a parking lot.

I am grateful for a full calendar – actually, not that grateful for a full calendar, but I AM grateful for a calendar so my old brain doesn’t lose all the things that make the calendar full.

A few weeks ago, a man in my life pointed something out to me – cars no longer have bumpers. Well, they DO, but they don’t. What in the world. I have been driving all these years and follow bumperless cars every single day and had not realized the bumpers are no longer bumper bumpers. We used to be able to sit on the back bumper. I could prop my foot on the bumper and tie my shoe. I could STAND on the bumper to see above the tall people at the parade or the fireworks show. WHY DID THEY TAKE AWAY THE BUMPER. Okay, now that word sounds ridiculous in my head.

And then I got to thinking…where did the hood ornaments go? I remember my Dad teaching me (a few years ago during drivers ed years) that I should keep the line of sight from the hood ornament to the right lane line or shoulder as a reference point, and if I did that, the car was in the right place going down the highway. Hood ornaments were pretty cool, and now they are pretty invisible.

I am grateful for such a random memory of standing on a bumper and driving with Dad.

I am grateful, beyond grateful but I am not sure what word works for beyond grateful, so I am beyond grateful for granddaughter concerts that I was invited to attend by Zoom in the last week. Heart bursting proud and I am pretty sure my granddaughters are the best that middle school is privileged to have in their beginner band and advanced choir and orchestra.

I am grateful for Zoom all over again.

I am really grateful to be revisiting the sin of judgment through this book. I am convicted all over again at every thought, every turn, all day long…I have a lot of work to do.

I am grateful God knows my name and all that I am, and He hears my prayer even before it becomes words.

Finally, I am grateful for a newly discovered restaurant that wafts good smells all over the parking lot and makes the best fajitas and handmade corn tortillas I have had in a very long time.

When we take time to notice the simple things in life, we never lack for encouragement. We discover we are surrounded by a limitless hope that’s just wearing everyday clothes. – April 25 desk calendar

I am grateful for time spent with Melvin on Saturday. It did this mama heart so good.

I am grateful for time spent attending Reilly’s beginner band concert last week. It did this Ama heart so good.

I am grateful for spring in Kansas City. Right now, it is one of the two most beautiful times of the year to live here. I love the gorgeous deep green grass and the redbuds and the flowering crab trees and the phlox and the tulips everywhere I look.

I am grateful for funnies from my Dad that make me laugh.

I am grateful for brand new furniture that makes me so scared living with cats, but this is a luxury rarely experienced, having brand new furniture, and it makes me want to stare at it often.

I am grateful for two geese outside my window right now.

I am grateful for cool breeze and sunshine…at the same time.

I am grateful for low humidity.

I am grateful for Zoom family calls.

I am grateful to revisit one of my favorite books of all time, 12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee…(like Me), by John Fischer, and am excited to begin the study with our small group.

I am grateful for the motivation to walk 5 miles before work in the mornings. I just wish that motivation was every day so it happened easily.

I am grateful for a cat brush.

I am grateful for a bathroom scale.

And I am grateful for chocolate cake.

My sister is a flute.

I am a French Horn.

She is tiny and dainty and has a pretty sound that is pleasant, leading from the front row. Not overly loud and obnoxious. But without her, something is definitely missing in the music. They put the flutes on the front row for a reason, and my sister belongs there.

I am heavy and awkward to carry and feel more at home on the third row, behind the woodwinds. Granted, the band needs the French horn to fill in the gaps, to complete the sound, and on occasion, the French horn shines, but most often, the French horn supports and finds satisfaction blending in without being in the spotlight.

My sister tries new things. I am opposite. I like what I like and that well-worn spot is comfortable.

She takes trips to lands she has never been. I am satisfied, for the most part, experiencing those lands from the comfort of the couch.

She eats the adventurous. I eat the very ordinary.

She set her sights on changing the world, motivated to make a difference and be heard. I set my sights on changing the sheets, or the channel, motivated by very little and just wanting to not make any waves.

How can it be that we were raised by the same parents in the same family, exposed to the same environment…and yet we are so very different?

I used to be jealous of her and her black Bundy flute case that weighed all of 18 ounces I am sure, that she had to carry from home to school on our daily walks. When it was my turn to try the instruments in 5th grade and I matched the French horn to a perfect bell, I lugged that used, scratched gold instrument -I was so excited – until I had to lug that beauty in its hard-sided brown case that weighed 58 pounds I am sure, to and from school every day. Mrs. Ramsey, my all-time favorite band teacher, felt sorry for me when I got to junior high. She made me the drum majorette. She could feel my pain – she was a French horn master and had my back.

I am grateful for Mrs. Ramsey.

I am also grateful for my sister on the front row. She is the kind of person people love – she “sings” a beautiful song and the band follows her lead.

I am grateful for my Holton Farkas, heavy as it is. It brought me a lot of joy so many years ago.

Finally, I am grateful the way God made me, perfectly happy on the third row, blending in behind the woodwinds.

I never wanted to be “that” person.

And now, as with most everything, I see life from a different perspective. So many times, I find myself internally “ah-ha-ing” when I realize my mom was who she was or why she was for this very reason. From a young daughter perspective with my own issues at the forefront, I could not see life as she saw life. Admittedly, sometimes I was annoyed.

Mom seemed to have a lot of ailments, and I promised myself I would NEVER talk about my ailments like she did.

Fast forward a few decades. Mom, I get it now. I am sorry for every eye roll and every “Oh brother” whispered under my breath.

I, too, am falling apart…or at least it sure feels like I am.

I will still do my best to keep my ailments to myself, but man oh man, getting older is no walk in the park.

I am grateful for Aleve and Advil and Tylenol.

I am grateful for a few more vegetables and fruits in my diet these days.

I am grateful for a long gone ex-mother-in-law who hammered supplement-taking into my brain.

I am grateful I don’t mind drinking lots of water or taking those supplements.

I am grateful for a NordicTrack in the basement that is getting a lot of attention.

I am grateful for motivation once again. Ebb and flow, for sure.

It is tax season and with an estate planning business just down the hall from our office, I am privileged to watch a steady stream of older people walking from the parking lot to the front doors of our building each day for several weeks this time of year. I am quickly becoming one of those older people. This morning, a sweet couple held hands as they shuffled their way down the sidewalk. A woman walked by herself up the sidewalk to the front door, all the while watching her elderly husband park the vehicle and join her at the entrance to the building. Watching them made me grateful for the man who holds my hand every day, grateful that he is so wise to do our taxes on his own and has them done for this year, grateful that he runs circles around me with his energy and drive.

The least I can do for him is not fall apart.