I am grateful for prednisone, Dad’s ice packs, fingernails, and AC.

I am grateful for fitful sleep – it’s better than none.

I am grateful for 2 am Family Feud.

And I am grateful I have a job that doesn’t require shorts for a uniform.

I can feel the twinkle of his eye in his handshake. – Helen Keller

This morning, I left Dad’s apartment and decided to make a quick stop in the McDonald’s drive-thru down the street. As I was waiting in the line, I noticed the manager on duty hand over the brown paper bag of breakfast to the customer in the van, and then, he reached out his hand and offered a handshake.

I thought, “Well, that’s odd, but wow, how nice. They must have known each other.”

The car between that van and my truck pulled forward, and I could see it was a middle-aged professional woman, probably on her way to work just like me. She took her cup of coffee and her brown paper bag of breakfast, and then, the manager reached out his hand and offered a very sincere and lingering handshake.

“What in the world,” I thought. Being a mini-Mom/Grace, I was not about to keep silent about it – I had to ask.

So I pulled forward and there he was, a kind-eyed manager, handing me my bag of oatmeal breakfast. And then he stuck out his hand with a smile.

Mom came out.

“What a surprise! I figured you knew the man in the van, but then I saw you shake the lady’s hand in front of my truck, and now me?? Why do you offer a handshake to your customers?”

And he responded with a grin that it is the right thing to do, he enjoys his job at the window, and he would like for his customers to come back. And then he said,

“I hope you WILL come back, and please have a very pleasant day.”

Guaranteed. 

That manager was Jesus to me this morning. He was Matthew 5:16 with two golden arches shining bright at 9717 West 87th.

Dispositional gratitude…praise God for everything.

When it is hot outside, I am not very pleasant…if I am outside where it is hot, that is. And when it is hot inside because of poor air conditioning or lack thereof, I am also not very pleasant.

This past weekend, case. in. point.

To add fuel to the fire, the house is in turmoil with furniture in hallways, sawdust trails non-stop, flies taking residence since the doors seem to always be open due to the heat and the workers, boxes of everything we own in every room with no place to unpack as of yet, fans going full speed to try to move the window air conditioning to inhabited places, and dust, dust dust.

Me heart was less than merry and me spirit was frustrated the hotter the days became.

Sunday morning, we did not wake up leisurely and enjoy the early morning stillness before getting ready for church. We did not enjoy a Sunday morning breakfast of pancakes and bacon and all things Sunday morning yum. We woke up and began working. But, at 11 am, I decided I needed to attend church, so I sat down in front of a fan, and I attended our service online.

And the Holy Spirit began to work.

Gratitude happens when some kindness exceeds expectations, when it is undeserved. Gratitude is a sort of laughter of the heart that comes about after some surprising kindness. – David Brooks

I was first surprised to see dear friends having their little girl baptized. Little Margaret was adorable, being held by the pastor while he prayed over her, all the while playing in the water. I could hear the congregation giggle at the sight. And I was grateful that I had chosen the 11 am service to attend online so that I could see our friends and watch Margaret’s baptism.

Then I was surprised to watch my former youth choir, having just returned from their annual choir trip, sing in the choir loft – they do not often sing in the 11 am service, and I was grateful and loved seeing familiar faces.

And then Pastor Adam spoke about the 10 lepers who were healed and only one returned to say “Thank you.” And the message was all about gratitude. Dispositional gratitude – gratitude that is felt ALL of the time for EVERYTHING. Gratitude that recognizes that EVERYTHING is a gift, gratitude that does not come with expectation.

The Holy Spirit got through my irritated, sweaty demeanor and knocked on my convicted heart…

I am grateful for the heat. It makes ANY cool breeze – from a box fan to a window air conditioner – that much more pleasant. And it makes a 5 hour drive back to the city that much more enjoyable with a really nice AC in the truck.

I am grateful for the body full of mosquito bites. I’m not sure why right now, but I am going to choose to be grateful. God, please show me why I should be grateful…

I am grateful for the opportunity to stay with my Dad this week. I look forward to evenings on the couch with Dad and the Royals.

I am grateful for a call today from my grandson. He wanted to tell me he is completely 100% healed. Broken hand is restored, and it was a miracle of a healing.

I am grateful for Natia. She makes me happy when I am uncomfortably hot and irritated. She is my “safe space” when my world around me is in turmoil.

I am grateful for my work. When there is noise and chaos and nothing is in its place, I can focus on a computer screen and feel like I have a little bit of sanity in my work.

And I am grateful for one hour yesterday to escape into worship, for the conviction of the Holy Spirit, for the resolve to fill my heart with dispositional gratitude rather than frustration and bitterness, and for the gift of unceasing prayers of thanksgiving.

Might not be laughter of the heart, but at least I am giggling. And breathing. Breathing’s a start.

I never imagined this is where I would be.

I have imagined lots of things in my lifetime, however.

There was a very long season, most of my adult life actually…only Kathy and Sam have heard the details…a long season of being in the passenger seat of a vehicle and refusing to wear a seat belt, just hoping and imagining that an accident would happen and I would be freed from the prison I felt I was in.

A long season of sleeping half of my days away with the help of sleep aids, just hoping and imagining that the days would pass into oblivion and I could forget the misery.

A long season of escaping into a world of TV, watching and imagining someone else’s drama to escape my own. A long season of wearing the mask, putting on the smile, pretending that every day was National Smile Day, pretending that I got peace like a river…

Funny thing. That long season was the season that shaped me. It refined me. It was the dormant season of my life, although there were good times, too. There were parts of dormancy that I would not change for anything. There were many blessings during those years, and those blessings have turned into very sweet memories. There were many painful memories during those years too, and those are the times that brought about shape and refinement. I grew up during that long season.

Those are the memories that are dirt under the fingernails of God, evidence of hard work.

I think about the story of the useless broken water jar that leaked all the way down the path…and the result was a path of flowers that had been watered along the way. I think about broken vases from Japan that are much more unique and beautiful when their pieces are glued back together with gold.

Last night, Sam and I hopped in the truck and took a drive to watch the sun set on a country road. We talked about the projects, the many many projects. We talked about what the next season holds for us out here in small town USA. We laughed about the way we can already see changes in the way we do things and vowed we would not adopt the language of “I seen” and “I done did,” or “We have went.” We can begin to imagine lazy evenings on our porch with an iced tea and a good book. We look forward to a home filled with laughter and love instead of tools and turmoil.

We imagine it will be a very long season. And for that, I am grateful.

I often sit in silence and think. And I think about the time I was impatient to the extreme and caused harm to my daughters. And I think about my tendency to turtle instead of strut. And I think about my neglect when it comes to phone calls and connection.

I often sit in silence and think. And I think about my choices I have made in my life. I think about how smart I am to my inner self and how dumb I am in reality. I think about the choices in my life that have directly affected those whom I love.

I often sit in silence and think. And I think about the promises I have not kept, about the goals I decided were too lofty, about the life I had dreamed but never saw to fruition. I think about the disappointment I must be to others and to God.

Today, I was reminded that it is TODAY. It is not yesterday.

And so I sit here at the end of my work day and think. I think about the relationship I had with my mom in her last years and how I was so blessed. I think about the relationship I have with my dad now, how healthy he is, how I am so blessed. I think about my brothers who serve others by doing. Doing the hard and the thankless. I think about my sister who fights for the nobodies. I think about their example to me, and I am blessed. I think about my second chance to have a godly marriage and the man who shares life with me, and I am so blessed. I think about a daughter who calls me almost daily and shares details and includes me in her life of raising a family, of how just a few short years ago, I thought it would never be…and now I am so very blessed. I think about the total joy it is to hear the distinct video call ringtone, knowing that when I click the button, a grandchild or several will be right there saying, “Ama! Ama! Ama! Guess what, Ama?!” …and I am blessed beyond any sort of measure.

I often sit in silence. Tonight, I will end this day, and I will love the blessings. I will strive to put aside the regrets and the “maybe somedays.” I will think about His blessings to me.

Every. Last. One.

“This Day”

I am very grateful for discovering the incredibleness of Planet Earth, a series that airs on BBC America. Dad, you HAVE to start watching. Wednesday and maybe Thursday nights, too.

Oh my goodness, we are quickly becoming addicted to the awesomeness of God’s creation that we’ve never seen before. The way this show puts together AMAZING video footage with expertly written narrative and music…I AM HOOKED.

I do not ever want to encounter a komodo dragon, that’s for sure. I would, however, LOVE to see the pink flamingos in the Andes, doing their hilarious mating ritual march. We cracked UP.

The other night, we watched the fascinating story of monkeys from all over the world, and I had never heard of Japanese Snow Monkeys (pictured above). These monkeys live in the high elevation where it is colder than cold. But, they mirror the way we humans behave, in a way I was not aware.

The two pictures at the top show the “upper crust” monkeys, monkeys who fall into the category of the “haves.” They are relaxing in a very warm hot spring and loving every minute.

The bottom picture shows another group of monkeys who fall into the category of the “have nots.” They are not allowed to enter the hot spring and must sit close by without ever being afforded the permission to get in and warm up.

It was heartbreaking.

Same monkeys, different standards.

I was very convicted.

Same humans, different standards. May I always love everybody, always. May I always include, not exclude. May I always give what I have to those who do not. May I ALWAYS seek to be like Jesus, serving the nobodies of my world.

I am grateful for the crunch of the gravel in the very early mornings.

I am grateful to live in small town USA where tomorrow I will wear shorts for the first time in a year or more and almost no one will notice.

I am grateful that our walks happen in the very early mornings.

I am grateful for the shower that takes off all the sweat and sticky after the very early morning walks.

I am grateful for the companionship of a best friend who insists that I get out of bed and go on a very early morning walk.

I am grateful that we don’t put ear buds in our ears and listen to podcasts while we walk in the very early morning. Our music comes from the nature and small town sounds around us and our conversations are just that – conversations.

I am grateful for brick streets, for gravel parking lots, for mowed grass where a sidewalk once worked, for no hills, for neighbors who trim their prickly shrubs away from their sidewalks that still work, and for early morning waitresses who yell “Gooooooood MORNNNNNING!!!” and don’t judge as they drive past us down Main Street. They won’t care about my shorts and legs tomorrow.

I am grateful for the road less traveled out here in small town USA, where golf carts and riding lawn mowers are just as suitable transportation as an F-150.

And for The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck.

I am grateful for a Dad who took care of the piano movers today.

I am grateful for the smell of floor stripper.

I am grateful for another bill paid off.

I am grateful for a handful of chocolate chips as an afternoon snack and my mixer that is finally on the counter. Time to bake.

I am grateful for cards mailed and list almost complete.

I am grateful for vitamins.

I am grateful for my subject line today, kind of like “The worst thing is not the last thing…”

I am grateful that God has given me just enough patience to withstand the many moments of overwhelm that show up more frequently these days in the midst of remodel chaos.

I am grateful for another Sam project…a new front porch.

I am grateful that going to the grocery store now takes approximately 10 minutes from the time I leave the house until the time I return to the house.

I am grateful for a feather bed from Aunt Estalene that is now on our bed. I will love it. Sam might not. He could sleep on a board and be happy.

I am grateful for a calendar to keep all the things in schedule order.

I am grateful for goofy laughter this morning when Sam saw the feather bed I had just added to our bed and exclaimed, “What HAPPENED?! Our bed got implants!”

I am grateful for our new friends and neighbors who will now be our Natia-sitter!

I am grateful Natia seems to be getting used to small town USA.

I am grateful for the extra Easter bunny that I ordered for myself a couple of months ago. She makes me smile.

I am grateful for a butter tub absent of crumbs. Butter tubs with crumbs = grumpy Rhonda.

I am grateful for early morning walks in the darkness with the sounds of “rooster” birds and early evening walks in the sunshine with children on bikes and elderly ladies driving golf carts….and late evening walks under the stars with the flying bats and the barbecue smells.

I am grateful for quiet.

solitudinarian
[sol-i-tood-n-air-ee-uh n]

noun
1. a person who seeks solitude; recluse

I am no longer my own, but yours.
Put me to what you will, place me with whom you will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be put to work for you or set aside for you,
Praised for you or criticized for you.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and fully surrender all things to your glory and service.
And now, O wonderful and holy God,
Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer,
you are mine, and I am yours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
Let it also be made in heaven.  Amen.

I am grateful for the feelings that are felt when I finish cleaning the bathroom and everything is sparkly.

I am grateful for 76 degree partly cloudy no wind days.

I am grateful for children’s books that make me poor.

I am grateful for a fly swatter.

I am grateful for an after-dark walk with Sam and close friends.

I am grateful that I do not have a clothes-mending pile.

I am grateful for online radio to keep me company while I work.

I am grateful for a yellow finch in the tree.

I am grateful the irises are blooming now that the lilacs are done.

I am grateful for sleepy Natia while the new porch roof is constructed right outside my windows.

I am grateful my sister is on her way home from China.

I am grateful I am not one of those guys on the roof in the sun.

And I am grateful for Jiffy Burger, our substitute for McDonald’s and our version of the old Dairy King on 4th Street.