I am grateful tonight for kind nurses who call me on the phone and have such compassion and talk to me like they have known me for years, when we have never met or spoken until now.

I am grateful for the things that take my mind off the knot in my stomach today – the work, the sweet dog, the dinner to be made, the topic on the radio.

I am grateful for a phone call this morning and the sound of Aunt Patsy and Uncle Charlie offering words of encouragement and support, Uncle Charlie quoting from Psalm 12.

I am grateful for friends who show up on a Sunday night to unload our truck after a very long weekend and drive.

I am grateful for my bed. There is nothing quite like sleeping in your own bed, and the longer we deal with our current crisis, the more we appreciate that bed and our pillows.

I am grateful for Sam’s hand to hold, for his reassurance, for the knowing smiles between us, for the wink he gives me as he sits in the doctor’s office on that crinkly paper-covered exam bed – he senses my fragile inside and knows how to comfort a weary wife.

I am grateful for a friend who delivers dinner to a hotel room WITHOUT asking, “What can I do to help you guys…”, she just does, and she does it complete with ice cream and a box of Nestle Quik for dessert.

I am grateful for my employers who are so understanding and allow the time needed for countless appointments.

I am grateful tonight for our devotion today on 2 Corinthians 12:9. I love this:

Prior to God’s revelation to Paul of the sufficiency of grace, Paul viewed his problem as an interference in his life. After God’s revelation, Paul viewed his problem as an opportunity to give thanks – not for the problem, but for how the problem allowed him to experience deeper dimensions of Christ’s sufficiency. 

You likely have some kind of problem today – perhaps large, perhaps small. In any case, your problem is a reason for placing your trust and hope in Christ. In Him, there is sufficient help and comfort for any problem.

There are knots in my stomach, knots between my shoulder blades, knots in my tongue. But I am grateful tonight for the knot in our relationship, the one that binds us together and allows us to be a fighting force against this cancer.

I am grateful for our first Christmas decoration that arrived today and is in our window, no dare needed. We are proudly displaying for all the town to see.

I am grateful for a dog sleeping in the sunshine.

I am grateful for the sound of progress – drills, hammering, banging, sawing, etc.

I am grateful for the reprieve of anxiety, even if for a few minutes.

I am grateful for happy emails between Michelle and Angela.

I am grateful for a new friend here in small town USA.

I am grateful for the privilege to pray for someone.

I am grateful that I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know He holds my hand.

I am grateful for the small heel of a loaf of banana bread, even if it was cheating.

I am grateful for afternoon shadows after the time change.

I am grateful to have opened my eyes this morning to a very bright star blinking at me through the tree branches outside.

I am grateful that packing a bag is getting to be routine.

I am grateful for a new pair of earrings.

And I am grateful a bunny suit and a BB gun will not be a Christmas decoration…at least not for me.

We went to the pizza place on Main last night, unsure whether they would still be open at 8:00 on a Monday night. This place is so good, they are only open four days a week, and on Mondays, they are only open until their dough runs out. So we were chancing it, and we were in luck.

Mark is the pizza master and mans his place in front of the wood fired pizza oven, designing the best craft Neapolitan pizza on 36 Highway, coast to coast. Seriously. Susan runs the show and creates the best salads in the history of salads.

And we are the benefactors.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/center-fire-pizza-smith-center

Normally, we walk in to this gem of a hideaway and 4 of the 5 tables are open, not because of a lack of business, but because most people around here like to eat pizza in front of their TVs or because most people eat earlier than we do when pizza is on the brain.

But not last night. Last night, the room was full for these parts. Full of camouflage and orange.

It’s hunting season. We live in deer country. And pheasant country. And quail country. And whatever other creature people in orange and camouflage go after, although I haven’t seen any wild pigs around here. Or moose, for that matter. I have no idea what “season” it is – I am not a hunter and most likely never will be. It kind of goes against some of my stances on things, but not enough so that I would ever wear a protest shirt or hold up signs. I digress. I also eat meat, and again, I digress. I am a bundle of contradiction. I digress…again.

For some crazy reason, these hunters like our small town USA countryside. They come from all over the place. Last night, the group was from Indiana and Oklahoma. We’ve been told there are some famous athletes who have “places” out here, whatever that means. I’m thinking the ditch and pasture off of L Road and 177th, but it probably means the log cabin mansion down the winding dirt path just south of Pete’s place that you can’t see from the road. Maybe that’s why I hear a helicopter every once in a while. I digress, again.

Saturday, we were on our way back home from a long weekend in the city, when about 10-15 miles outside of small town USA, Sam pointed out lots of orange dots moving slowly in a field just off the highway. I had never seen hunting actually happening, but I did on Saturday. They hunt in groups! I had always envisioned one lone ranger in a deer stand wearing all green and tan – I had no idea they walk through fields wearing neon orange and make a party of the ordeal.

Sunday night, it was 10:18 pm, the weather had just weathered on the news, and they began a new segment that apparently is another deal out here I had never known…they post picture after picture after picture of kids and their first deer.

Not Bambi.

Not bottle-fed Daisy the deer.

These were big ‘ol deers. And they weren’t leaping across the highway any more.

And THEN, the news guy started giving instructions on how to take your pictures with your first deer: “Use hydrogen peroxide to get all the blood off, because we won’t post pictures with all the blood. Clean ’em up before you field dress your deer.”

Why would you put a dress on a deer?

I follow our local school district Facebook page. The 6th grade classes (6th grade!) take hunter safety course DURING SCHOOL.

I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. It’s like a foreign country out here. I am 53 years old and never knew such things.

But I am grateful I live in a town where orange is the new black, all stylish and safe.

I am grateful I live in a town where neighbors still bring you soup even if you don’t call them by the right name. (see yesterday’s grateful post).

I am grateful I live in a town where the police chief says to let him know if we need anything, anything at all.

I am grateful I live in a town that produces a friend who comes over and stacks a whole tree of walnut wood in our backyard that he split for our fireplace.

I am grateful I live in a town where you can buy a gallon of paint and order your tux, all at the same counter.

I am grateful I live in a town that has quirks and eccentricity and things that make me shake my head and feel like I am in the Twilight Zone sometimes.

And I am grateful I live in a town that has a wood-fired pizza place on the corner of downtown Main Street.

We’re having this “thing” in a few weeks. It’s a big thing that we do every year and our house is full. This year will be the first time we have had this “thing” in small town USA. So this is the first year to invite our friends and neighbors who live right here…

Wouldn’t ya just know it.

Have you ever repeatedly done something that you had no clue you were doing, only to find out later what you were doing was all wrong? And everyone knew it but you?

It’s kind of like having something stuck in your teeth, or a booger hanging out your nose, and the whole world knows…but you have no clue.

Tonight, we had a guest. The guest happened to be related to one of our great neighbors whom we have invited to our “thing.” And when he revealed to us who he just happens to be related to…he called our neighbor, his father-in-law, by the WRONG NAME.

Huh.

How terribly sad it is that a son-in-law has no clue what his father-in-law’s name is.

I just grinned really big and pretended that everything was just fine.

And then I HIGHTAILED it upstairs to change our neighbor’s name on our invitations THAT WE ALREADY SENT OUT.

So, if I happen to call you Sherrie instead of Mary, or Barry instead of Larry, or Alicia instead of Lucretia, or Fred instead of Ted, just grin really big and pretend that everything is just fine.

I am grateful for neighbors who are laughing at me on a continual basis…

I am grateful I have set the bar low.

I am grateful that because of this guest tonight, I will never call my neighbor by his other name ever again.

I need to be grateful today, because I could so easily be otherwise.

I am grateful for a few moments of sanity sitting at my desk, nothing but the tapping of the keys on the keyboard and an escape into the world of Chief Executive Officers.

I am grateful for big snowflakes.

I am grateful for sweet, sweet videos of my Texas grandchildren. I love that they call me “Ama.”

I am grateful for dentists who change up schedules just to fit in a couple of extractions.

I am grateful for neighbors who are taking care of Natia.

I am grateful for fresh sheets.

I am grateful for a gift bag waiting for us on this much-needed day.

I am grateful for blank paper for which to take notes, rather than the corners and empty spaces of used up paper.

I am grateful for kind hotel employees who are compassionate in the face of frustration and embarrassment.

I am grateful for a nice pen.

I am grateful for heat seaters, aka heated seats.

I am grateful for extra wash cloths.

I am grateful for that quiet sanity at my desk and the outburst of laughter, all by myself, from silliness on the radio.

I am grateful for Sam and the fact that God blessed me with such an incredible man.

I am grateful for a day filled with doctor appointments tomorrow. Answers and help…

I am grateful for an abundance of tissues.

I am grateful for Psalm 103:4-5 that says God surrounds me with loving kindness and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things.

I am grateful for a variety of stamps.

And I am grateful for the yucky yuck we are going through and the even tighter bond we are forming, together. No one understands unless they have gone through it…and we are going through it, together.

I did.

I walked downstairs this morning to let Natia outside and get Sam a cup of coffee, and I walked into this room:

It just makes me so happy this week. My brother (Ike, better known as Dwight) put his touch on this room by way of travertine tiled floor, and every time Sam and I walk into the room, we both say, “This floor looks incredible.”

I am grateful for my brother’s gift.

I am grateful for our new floor.

I am grateful for the flowers that were delivered yesterday by one of Sam’s employees – to me, for me.

I am grateful for a successful first attempt at using one of those fancy schmancy wax sealers. I didn’t burn the envelope or anything. Linda, you’ll get the evidence by the end of the week!

I am grateful for the little gnome that mysteriously appeared in our mailbox with the note attached, “You been gnomed!”

I am grateful for the sound of deep breathing as Sam took a nap this afternoon during my video conference call.

I am grateful for a niece who texts me silly messages and dog pictures.

I am grateful for a new devotion book and my lesson in being patient if I am truly loving others the way God intends.

I am grateful for a fire in the fireplace tonight.

I am grateful for an end to the campaign commercials.

And I am grateful for Geri.

This is an issue with me.

I have a lot of pet peeves, I so admit. Seems like the older I get, the more pet peeves I uncover.

Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner…is one. Add that dreadful tomahawk chant that every stinkin’ football stadium subjects me to, and even the Wabash Cannonball from our beloved KState. And then there are the annoying Toyota or Chevy truck commercials that are played no less than 34 times in the span of one ballgame. People who do not say “thank you.” Selfie-takers and Facebook post-ers who are clearly desperate for comments.

My insides churn with irritation.

But apparently, my insides do not churn enough irritation when it comes to the pet peeve I have against MYSELF.

I must feel I OWE it to people when they ask, “How are you?” or “How is Sam?” That’s all it takes, and I spew forth details that have no business being mentioned.

I did it today. And my insides are churning and disgusted with myself.

I love what Brene Brown says…”Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO HEAR THEM.”

I am grateful today to have had a few people in our home this weekend who have earned the right to know our complete story.

I am grateful today for 677 chances to try again.

I am grateful today for early darkness so that this day can be over and done.

I can grab one of the four remotes and turn down the stadium noise, but duct tape and a Psalm or several are needed for my mouth.

Take control of what I say, O LORD, and guard my lips. – Psalm 141:3

THIS is what I am experiencing this week just outside my office window. This is not an exaggeration. My eyes sometimes cannot believe what they are seeing. My gratitude overflows.

Don’t let artificial light and city streets keep you from noticing sunsets and sunrises, from experiencing the spring of new life and the harvest of fall. – M. Basil Pennington

I am so grateful for the new experiences God has given to us. Good and not so good. Every day is an adventure, like a new chapter of a really great book. Some experiences are quiet and reflective, some are panic-inducing. Some are like a great carnival ride, and some are like walking through a haunted house.

You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed. – Psalm 139:16

I am grateful beyond grateful that God orders my steps and knows what tomorrow will be. He’s the operator. I am just along for the ride.

When Natia and I took a mid-morning walk around my office building, I was grateful for the sound of walking in a pile of autumn leaves.

When the ballgame is over and I-70 doesn’t have a lot to offer when it comes to radio programming on a Sunday late afternoon, I am grateful to have listened to a really good interview on Focus on the Family while I was driving.

When it makes me ill to my stomach to hear Christian leaders support and defend what I believe goes against Jesus’ teaching, I am grateful for a pastor who includes rather than excludes.

When it is hard to be here and not home one week post surgery, I am grateful for a dozen deep orange roses that my boss brought to my desk this morning because she feels bad that I am away from Sam this week.

Don’t think that the details of your day are too insignificant to bring before God. If He cares enough about the hairs on your head to number them, then surely He cares about the things that fill your day. – Stormie Omartian

When my eyes cannot stop gazing at the trees, I am grateful for the privilege of being in Kansas City this last week of October to enjoy the incredible beauty of fall here that is unlike any place I have ever lived.

When I feel insignificant in my job, I am grateful when CEOs of biotech companies agree to connect with me on Linkedin.

When there is a minor ostomy crisis on a Monday morning, I am grateful for tutorial videos and the people who are not too self-conscious to create them – videos that help us when we have no clue what we are doing in this new adventure.

When I stand underneath a great shower, I am grateful for water pressure.

When I have a fairly needy canine who doesn’t just go to anyone anymore in her old, slightly dementia-ed, hearing-impaired, seeing-impaired age, I am grateful for Dad, the rat-dog sitter.

When I am pretty dependent on the love of said canine, I am grateful that Natia the rat-dog is such a good dog and is allowed to come to the office with me every day.

When we feel isolated at times in this new adventure we are on and don’t know how to respond to “Let me know if there is anything I can do’s,” I am grateful for our stretcher-bearers who just do without asking or offering.

When my phone is about to die because I forgot my charger, I am grateful for the reminder that I do not need that phone in order to function.

When there is so much that needs to get done, I am grateful that Sam doesn’t just talk about doing things but acts on his talk. He always surprises me on these weeks away with projects happening at the house, so that when I come back home, things are much changed and much improved. This week, almost the entire interior is getting a paint job.

I am grateful for good attitudes. Sam has one. I am not sure I would have one if I were dealing with all he has to handle these days.

My boss was a caregiver for her mom many years ago, and I am grateful that her mom experienced the same thing Sam is experiencing, because my boss told me stories before we experienced first-hand, so I was a little more prepared.

I am grateful that my boss shares so freely and doesn’t keep her experiences to herself. We should all be more like my boss. There’s no reason to keep things to ourselves. Our story may help someone else, just like her stories are helping us.

She shared that even after all these years, she can walk into a restroom and know that someone had to empty their ostomy bag. The smell is unique. It isn’t a bad smell, it is just different. Anyway, what empathy, and for something so private. But just that knowing look, that sympathetic giving of privacy and space…it could go a long way to making someone feel a little less awkward.

She shared that her mom had a closet full of overalls, and at her funeral, everyone wore overalls. Isn’t that COOL? Overalls hide an abundance of bulges. Sam has one pair – overalls, not bulges – but he really isn’t an overall kind of guy anyway. And ostomy supplies have advanced over the years, so they don’t bulge as much, at least not if you check them constantly.

However, they still crinkle.

My boss was walking to the restroom one day, right past my desk. She’s pretty funny, and she puts her lady supplies in a discreet location, but they were crinkling, and so of course, instead of pretending she wasn’t carrying lady supplies, she just blurted out, “Those are my lady supplies. Don’t mind my crinkling.”

Oh dear. I don’t think Sam will say anything like that; he’ll just crinkle on occasion and I will smile.

Most ostomy bags come with a built-in charcoal filter at the top of the bag. They are awesome. I am a huge fan of built-in charcoal filters.

We were visiting with a couple in the hospital and were fascinated with their experience with cancer treatments, so much so, that we lost track of time. Sam was in his hospital bed, I was sitting in the recliner. We were on Day 1 of self-care without having to push the red call light. The conversation was so fascinating, I didn’t notice Sam growing a balloon under the covers. Just in time, I got his attention. We scrambled to the restroom, as major surgery hospital patients can scramble to take care of emptying the bag, only to discover there was very little inside. It was mostly air.

Air that almost popped a bag.

This hospital-issued supply had no filter. And apparently, humans produce gas no matter where the exit happens to be.

We shall order built-in charcoal filter bags. No smell, no air trappage. We are grateful for built-in charcoal filter bags and for a beginner’s box of the right kind.

It has been a good week. Life goes on, and a crinkle here and there is nothing in the grand plan. I am grateful today for a husband who continues to heal, for God’s touch on his life, for these ridiculous experiences we are having together that make us laugh. Who woulda thought…