I am so grateful for friends who just know.

Friends like LaDonna who sent this video reminder to me today that sent the palpitate away.

Friends like Geri, Chris, and Connie who check in constantly via text just to make sure we are okay and send encouragement, texted prayers, and funny things to remind me to smile.

Friends like my co-workers and my boss who make work so enjoyable even when no one is responding to our research and it feels like we are spinning our wheels.

Friends like Dana, who picked up my grocery list from our mailbox and left this in its place:

Friends like our foster son who is standing strong by Sam’s side, helping him every step of the way, most of the time without even being asked. He just jumps right in and does…so that Sam doesn’t.

A friend like Jesus, who keeps us securely wrapped in His arms through the friends He has placed in our lives for this moment in time.

Palpitate. It’s a good description of our heart muscles in the last few weeks.

Plans made, plans dashed.

Breaking news like an alarm you can’t turn off.

This new temporary reality is like the snow days we always wanted and never got. Well, kind of. Except that my job has not changed one iota. I am still at my computer first thing every morning, still going strong with research and editing at the end of the day. Sam is still retired and trying to figure out what he wants to do when he grows up.

Actually, snow days for us is like snow days for our parents so many years ago because of this new 18-year-old who occupies space with us. What do we do with the child who cannot handle all this free time and wall closing in-ness? If it were just the two of us, we could be so content to lock the doors and enjoy our home and count all the blessings. However, one of our blessings in the form of foster 18-year-old is currently experiencing anxiety and a perceived affliction of loss of friendships and fun and a perfect ending to his high school career.

However. Minor inconvenience aside…with every beat of the heart muscle tonight, we have reason to be grateful.

1. A really great kid who has added much to our world
2. A small town away from big city crisis and all the added complexities of living in one
3. Sam’s hard work immunity while not perfect, certainly stronger than it should be at this stage
4. Plenty of just in case supplies – all I am really missing is Nestle Quik for the ice cream and the assurance that the Lysol disinfectant wipes won’t run out
5. The luxury of watching church, communicating online to our support near and far, and the ability to work thanks to an Internet that is still functional
6. A neighbor who offers to get groceries for us
7. A pantry full of food – maybe not what we want, but certainly what we need to keep from starving
8. An extra week away from chemo, thanks to Seattle plans unfortunately dashed
9. Banana and Split and a multitude of grocery sacks, our backup entertainment if or when the TV and internet fail us
10. Banana and Split, our reminders that life is too short to not have as much fun as possible with as little as possible, and our reminder to play hard so we can sleep hard and let not our hearts be troubled
11. Reassurance that God is my refuge and strength, a very present Help in times of trouble
12. And a gift of song on a Sunday afternoon that made me stop in my heartbeats:

Life is easy, when you’re up on the mountain
And you’ve got peace of mind, like you’ve never known
But things change, when you’re down in the valley
Don’t lose faith, for you’re never alone

For the God on the mountain, is still God in the valley
When things go wrong, He’ll make them right
And the God of the good times, is still God in the bad times
The God of the day, is still God in the night

You talk of faith when you’re up on the mountain
But talk comes so easy, when life’s at its best
Now it’s down in the valley of trials and temptations
That’s where your faith is really put to the test

For the God on the mountain, is still God in the valley
When things go wrong, He’ll make them right
And the God of the good times, is still God in the bad times
The God of the day, is still God in the night
The God of the day, is still God in the night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCTl4tUYIAg

Sam took me on a date on Friday night. I like our dates. They are simple. Sometimes it is a drive in the country to find a perfect place to watch a sunset and see some deer bounding across a field. Sometimes it is a drive through a neighborhood in Kansas City to look at beautiful houses or landscaping. Sometimes it is a concert and a nice dinner, and sometimes it is a hole-in-the-wall place where we can just be, in our jeans and a hoodie.

Friday night was a jeans and hoodie kind of dinner. As we sat in the noisy cafe, we noticed the differences. More patrons than not were in coveralls or overalls. More patrons than not were wearing ball caps and boots.

And.

There were at least a half dozen holsters on belts.

Never have I ever seen so many guys packing a pair of pliers.

What a wonderful world.

Even though we were surrounded by “I seen”s and “Well I’ll be dagnabbered”s, we were pretty grateful for where we are in this moment of time…

…where dinner is best known as supper, where folks are okay with being called folks, where you walk into a hole-in-the-wall for good food and know half the customers, where neighbors pick up the tab for other neighbors, just because.

What a wonderful world.

Silence was needed, and God spoke. Funny how that works in the silence.

We drove in the early morning darkness as we do every two weeks – Sam feeling the dread, and me sitting beside him wishing I could take it away and make everything alright.

As the night turned to dawn, we tried to focus on the gift of the new day – the beige-colored rolling fields, dotted with black angus; the charcoal sky turning to purple and then pink right before our eyes; the moon with its last hurrah as the sun prepared to make its entrance…

And then, in the silence, we both began to notice off in the distance before us, a gray whisp of what we thought was a very long trail of smoke. It curled and swooped from the left side of the windshield to the far right side of the windshield, and as we continued to drive, the smoky tail grew. And then it slowly changed shape. After several miles of watching it to the tune of the Acura engine hum, we both recognized at the same time what we had been watching:

Murmuration.

Thousands of birds in formation, close enough to each other they should crash, but in sync and flow, and oblivious to their audience of two down below.

I’ve heard speakers talk about the overuse of the word, “awesome.” How it should be reserved for the reverence of an experience, a moment – how it should be in a category just for descriptions of God.

I think about that every time I comment on someone’s success, or a grandchild’s artwork, or the Super Bowl win…

Murmuration is awesome. It is a visible description of God’s handiwork. It is a gift. And we were the recipients last week on that early Wednesday morning. Sam kept driving as we passed underneath the show, but I twisted around in the seat and watched as long as I could until they were no longer in sight.

The act of murmuration reminded me that God has it all under control. Even though it seems our world is chaos and fragile and we cannot see what is ahead, He is directing our path.

He is the Creator of order.

He is the Master of the universe.

He is awesome.

For Him and the relationship I have with Him, I am grateful.

That’s how long it took me to get up from my desk at 1:04 pm, go downstairs and put a coat on, get in the truck and drive to the grocery store, grab some milk and yogurt, wait in line to pay at the checkout, drive home, put my coat away and hang the keys on the peg, put the milk and yogurt away, and go back upstairs to sit back at my desk and resume work…at 1:12 pm.

I am grateful to live in small town USA.

I am grateful for our little grocery store, where a shopper can get a bunch of bananas, a box of kitty litter, Valentine flowers, a long john with a heart stick, or a box of ammo and a couch. One stop shopping.

I am grateful Sam didn’t come home this morning with a box of ammo or a couch.

I am grateful for the gift of disinfecting wipes, much needed this week.

And I am grateful for the weekend with only a long walk and house cleaning on my agenda.

I am grateful for sound sleeping, the breathing in a steady rhythm just behind me .

I am grateful to be home, even if it is late and late night work is in front of me.

I am grateful for moments of joy in the past four days – especially surprising grandchildren.

I am grateful for family members who are supportive and loving when we are stressed beyond what we think we can handle.

I am grateful for a quiet drive home, for the beauty of the Flint Hills, for a clear blue sky that stretched from the driver’s window and beyond to the passenger window and beyond.

I am grateful for purring kittens who are glad we are home, even if they crawl all over the desk and keyboard and make me have to re-do.

I am grateful for doctors who prescribe meds over the phone in emergency situations.

I am grateful when fever is broken and sleep finally settles.

I am grateful for a great friend who stepped in as a substitute mom nurse – thank you, Brigitte.

I am grateful for boss friends who took us in, gave us an over-the-top bed & breakfast, and better be disinfecting every surface we touched.

I am grateful for Tamiflu and Lysol.

I am grateful for the gift of sunshine glare on Waconda Lake glass water, geese in formation above the beauty.

I am grateful for a heartbreaking moment at the end of last night – evidence that life change is hard, and Sam is so very sensitive. His heart is so big and soft, and so very fragile…

I am grateful for a few minutes to myself tonight under the stars in the brisk cold air, to have a private conversation, to ask God to give me strength.

And I am grateful that even though it seems like a big valley, it really isn’t in the grand scheme. Life is too short to dwell on the whole journey – just take it one pit stop at a time.

I am grateful for both.

Kittens, because they crack me up – one minute they are stalking the birds and the squirrels on a screen, and the next, they are taking afternoon naps to the sounds of the birds and the squirrels.

Prostates, because Sam’s is behaving. Four weeks ago, his PSA was 128 and acting like Stage 4 cancer.

This afternoon, we learned that his PSA is 1.7.

That is not a typo. THAT, my friends, is a miracle.

It’s a great evening to celebrate with some gratitude.

Time alone with God can help us grow, but so can serving others. Instead of feeling guilty about how little time alone I get, I need to look at how I can connect with God in the midst of my chaos. – Keri Wyatt Kent

I am grateful for work chaos that gives me opportunities for productivity and self-worth.

I am grateful for Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl chaos that is fun to watch.

I am grateful for those who have helped me this week in the chaos of being away from home.

I am grateful for all the glimpses of God in my life that I have noticed this week.

And I am grateful for a kind of chaotic weekend and looking forward to some fun.

Touch

The warmth of a space heater to take the chill away

Smoothest, softest sheets – I’m sold

The way my hair feels when it is clean and product-free

Smell

Men’s cologne that makes me want to follow

Crisp bills that smell like new money

Pine or balsam that smells like I’m surrounded by trees

Hearing

Hearing a yes, rather than a no

Silence after a loud day

Anjalie’s laughter – there’s just nothing sweeter than that sound

Taste

Judgment-Free Zone: Chicken with Vegetables from China Garden

Fresh mouth after brushed teeth

Oreo kind of chocolate

Sight

A picture of Mom that greets me when I open my Bible

A positive email response from the 497 emails I am pretty sure I sent out

Happy Chiefs fans everywhere

Sam, when I come home after a long week

Dad prayed for our dinner at McAlister’s.

My tea was mixed perfectly by a very nice McAlister’s guy.

The foggy haze wasn’t so bad and the beauty of downtown Kansas City was in its glory.

We didn’t get lost going up and down and across the maze of streets hidden between the tall buildings.

We finally found a street where we could see the Marriott lights that pronounce Super. Bowl. Bound. and the KC arrowhead for all the world to see.

https://www.kcur.org/post/see-iconic-kansas-city-buildings-showing-chiefs-pride-ahead-sundays-big-game#stream/0

Dad didn’t seem to mind my silly desire to just drive and look.

My backseat has a few KC Chiefs things, ready for Sunday.

My sister took the time and the effort to spend an hour with me and let me unload.

Not only did I receive the gift of my yoo hoo birds, I also received the gift of five deer right outside my office window, and they decided I wasn’t so scary.

My legs are screaming sore which means I am working them on these stairs.

I resisted a piece of Grandmommy’s cake last night. Small victory.

The morning greeted me with beautiful snow as I walked out of Dad’s hotel in the darkness of the new day.

My wipers work as does my seat heat.

Salt covered the parking lot and sidewalks so I didn’t slip and fall on my way in to work.

I have a lot to do at work, I am privileged to be a member of the best team, and I love my job.

The Chiefs are playing in the Super Bowl.

Jesus loves me, and I know it.

Ignorance is bliss.

I am learning not to fret over things I cannot change.

I am grateful today.