Waves of emotions today.

It started early, before the sun rose, in my trying-to-stay-asleep-but-knowing-it-is-past-time-to-get-up phase. My woman mind was swimming with all the things.

Not good, not healthy.

And then when I finally decided to start the day, the day that had already begun with thoughts that were less than, I received an emotional pinch. Pinch is slightly less than gut-punch but none-the-less inwardly painful. Not childhood pinched. Adult pinched nerve pinched.

It was the pinch reminder that all things are not really rosy and fine. The reminder that there is still baggage, still unspoken things swept under the rug. Like a favorite vase with a crack that has been sealed but is still visible.

That pinch was like Peter on the water, doubting, taking his eyes off the One.

Because when I think, I sink.

I got ready for work under my cloud, told Sam goodbye while he reassured me over and over that it was going to be okay and we will keep swimming and being who we are together, and I made my way to the office, thinking about a particular song.

And I’ll testify of the battles You’ve won
How You were my portion when there wasn’t enough
And I’ll testify of the seas that we’ve crossed
The waters You parted, the waves that I’ve walked

Singing, oh-oh-oh, my God did not fail (Yeah)
Oh-oh-oh, it’s the story I’ll tell
Singing, oh-oh-oh, I know it is well
Oh-oh-oh, it’s the story I’ll tell

After getting settled at my desk, I turned my Michelle desk calendar to August 10 and was gifted with this:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

I am grateful for good pinches.

I am grateful for a quiet office today where the silence is loud and God can speak.

I am grateful for Sam.

I am grateful for God’s complete forgiveness and the way He has parted waters and held my hand through it all.

I am grateful my Dad is just down the street and I have the privilege of seeing him every day.

I am grateful for waves.

I am grateful to be like my mama, letting the emotions flow, wearing them on my sleeve.

I am grateful to be reminded this morning how far we’ve come.

I am grateful this story is still being written.

And I am grateful that just as waves crash, they also dissipate and all is well once again.