I am so tired, but it is a good tired.

I am so blessed, and it is an overwhelming blessed.

I am so full, and it is cake full.

I am so grateful.

Birthdays are hard for me. I tend to turtle and take on all the feelings. I don’t know why it is. Maybe it is because I am not with my girls, and Karissa shares my day as her birthday, too. I tend to miss my Mom a lot on my birthday, and that emotion began on Tuesday.

My co-workers celebrated my birthday on Tuesday during our lunch meeting and one of the miniature cakes on the table was a red velvet, the cake my Mom always made me for my birthdays. Tears formed, and I felt an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. My work friends made me feel very loved with gifts and laughter and a sense of close-knit family-ness.

I came home on Tuesday evening to a beautiful arrangement of two dozen red roses on the kitchen island and that wonderful husband who knows how much flowers mean to me. After dinner, I made myself some red velvet cupcakes, thinking of the many years Mom had made my cake. I had to get my 5 miles in, so I went downstairs to get on the treadmill, and I discovered a new TV installed on the wall so I can watch my early morning news when I do my walking indoors. A yellow post-it note was on it: “Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.” Sam is simply the best.

A small stack of birthday cards were waiting for me on Wednesday morning, alongside a small gift bag from Michelle. I packed them all up and took them to work to open when I was ready for a “party of one.” Cami brought me a chai latte fancy drink with my first ever cake pop – how have I lived 58 years and never had a cake pop?! – and Karen surprised me with a very generous gift card from another favorite place.

Mid morning, my sister suggested we meet for lunch at one of my favorite little restaurants, just like we did last year. I agreed but also invited my husband and my Dad, and the four of us enjoyed an Andre’s lunch, an unexpected impromptu gift from Dad when he grabbed the bill. Andre’s, two years in a row on my birthday, so I think Angela and I now have a new tradition…

I left work early to attend KU Transfer Student Orientation. Nerves were on point, but after listening to what I am getting myself into, I now have nerves and a little excitement, too. The birthday ended at our favorite carry-out Chinese place, except that we didn’t carry out – we ate there so we could visit a little with our employee friend, Alice. It wasn’t a fancy or romantic dinner, but it is us, and that is what I love. Sam, Rhonda, and Melvin.

I thought the birthday was over. But tonight, when I walked into Dad’s building to play piano and call Bingo, my normal Thursday evening routine, my piano and Bingo friends were there with a party in store. There were cakes and treats and ice cream in the kitchen, friends in the lobby, gifts and cards and a large arrangement of the most beautiful pink roses, Jeannine’s first design, with help from Cheryl, the former florist. Angela joined all of us tonight, so I did what bratty little sisters do best, and I made her play Beatles duets with me on the piano while everyone listened to us “practice.” We ended piano time with Happy Birthday to January Birthdays, Happy Birthday to YOU, and then on to Bingo excitement.

I love this group of people. I love my circle. I love that Dad had this little request once upon a time, that I come and play our piano when Marilyn could no longer play, and because of that request, I now have the most wonderful circle. I love that Sam joined us tonight even though he always has other things to do. I love that Dad is always present even though he always declines playing Bingo. I love that David sometimes joins us for piano time and inserts the best wit and Dad jokes. I love that everyone loves my sister – she brightens up every room she enters. I love that Christy and Daisy always make me feel very loved. I love that Pedro wears Chiefs gear always and is collecting all the $2 bills he wins during Bingo. I love that Beth calls Sam “the Grinch” and is so quick-witted. I love that Fran is Mom2 and always gives me a hug. I love that Susan gives me a hard time during Bingo and sings along when I play the piano. I love that Cynthia is always excited about the possibility of winning Blackout and smells so good with the best perfume. I love that Pearl saved her corn casserole leftovers just for me. I love that Jeannine always chooses Bingo cards with an 11 on them and brings me hot tea when I arrive. I love that Eveline makes eye contact with me when she didn’t hear the number clearly, and she makes the best treats. I love that Diana is a ball of fun and sings like Whitney Houston, even voicemailing me her rendition of “Happy Birthday” for me to treasure forever. I love that Cheryl works so hard to bring back activities for all the residents and sends me “chapter texts” full of the love of Jesus. I love that they all love my Daddy. These are my regulars, but there are several others who sometimes play and sometimes don’t. I love that each week is different, but it is always my favorite day. Even when it isn’t my birthday.

I am so grateful.