As the family was driving home on Sunday, and I was working on laundry and cleanup after their visit, my daughter texted me.

“FYI, Ansyr took your wedding album. I will be shipping it back. Sorry.”

Ansyr is 4-year-old sneaky, and that text message CRACKED ME UP. Of ALLLLL the things a 4-year-old would want to sneak into a backpack, who would have ever guessed it would be her Ama’s wedding album. Makes me love her even more now.

9 years ago today, my life changed for the best. That wedding album was created by my nephew, John; just snapshots, but priceless memories they are.

Today, I am grateful for memories of our wedding day.

I am grateful we didn’t make a big deal of it all – all we needed was each other…and my cousin/minister Danny and our Dads as witnesses to make it official.

I am grateful to be just as in love today as I was then.

I am grateful to have a partner who is a true partner.

I am grateful Sam calls me by my name.

I am grateful he helped me out this morning and took Dad to breakfast so I could get to work.

I am grateful for a surprise that walked into my office, carrying roses.

I am grateful we pray together, we go to church together, we live out our faith together, we keep each other in check.

I am grateful Sam does not let me “turtle” very long and has taught me to communicate and work through our challenges together.

I am grateful our family has grown – we now have a son, a new son-in-law, five more grandchildren, and two cats to love.

I am grateful we both like and dislike the same things.

I am grateful for 9 years full of life and living and adventures and traumas and handholding and “I love you’s” every day…

I am grateful for Sam I Am.

And I am grateful my granddaughter wanted our wedding album and her Mom is shipping it back.

Today is my Mom’s birthday. She was the first person I thought of this morning when I woke up.

I thought of her as I was driving to work and heard the song, “Lord, I need you.”

I thought of Mom as I turned my desk calendar to November 29.

I thought of some fun memories when our family celebrated her 60th birthday in San Antonio 31 years ago, at Sea World and at Magic Time Machine.

I thought of her as I took my horse pill vitamins that she loved to hate.

I thought of her as I answered a phone call from my Daddy.

I miss her “squeeze your guts out” hugs.

I miss her “get in here’s.”

I miss her alto/tenor voice.

I miss teasing her about her big purses, her driving, and her first name she never liked.

I miss watching Mom and Dad in their last years together.

I miss being able to call her and unload or share great news.

I missed her at our Thanksgiving table last week, and I know she would have LOVED it all.

I missed her in pictures.

I am grateful for my family that she and Dad created.

I am grateful for so much laughter between her and Dad, when Dad would tease her by “forgetting” her name and calling her “Helen,” or giving her a Reese’s peanut butter cup treat when she went “potty,” just like the treats they gave Natia, the dog.

I am grateful that I sometimes act like her and am looking more and more like her.

I am grateful that I understand more and more with the passing of time how she felt at this age, and I am grateful for the sharp pangs of regret that I now feel because I did not understand in my teens, 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s.

I am grateful that I am Rhonda Donda, daughter of Pearl Grace Johnson Ferguson.

I am grateful for a husband who loves his painting crew so much, he came over to my desk this morning and asked me to find some good Latino music to put on the house speakers for them while they work. As I work from home today, I am listening to Danny Ocean and have no idea what the words are, but it does sound very nice.

I am grateful for a surprise last night as I was calling Bingo at my Dad’s apartment complex. “O72, I28, B4…”

“BINGO!”

And my sister-in-law poked her head around the corner! I had completely forgotten that she and my brother were coming to KC this weekend! What a nice way to end my day.

I am grateful for a 59 degree home as I sleep every night, for a Nest system that lets me schedule the temperature, for a bed that has the ability to heat our feet, and for the luxuries of this home God has blessed us. We are so undeserving, and the responsibility to bless others and pay it all forward to those who are in need is that much heavier.

I am grateful for a boss friend who takes the best pre-dawn pictures and sends them to me.

I am grateful for a do-er husband and not a talk about doing it husband.

I am grateful for Diana and Fran and Jeannine and Beth and Christy and Daisy and Pedro and Cynthia and Cheryl and Susan and Evelina and Dave and Mark and Karen and Claudette. They are Dad’s friends, and now they are my friends, too. All of them make my Thursday evenings rich and my heart full and they give me so much joy.

I am grateful for the smell of homemade Chex Mix in the oven wafting through the house and into my nose.

I am grateful for the anticipation of fingerprints on glass doors, a house full of chaotic chatter, game playing, contstant “Ama-ing,” and a fun Thanksgiving weekend.

I am not good with last minute surprises, I will admit. But I am grateful for every opportunity to do better and a husband who holds my hand through it, hugs the panic out of me, and helps me work through it.

I am grateful for a clean microwave.

I am grateful for the sound of drilling and sawing, well not really, but I am grateful that WHILE those sounds are happening, a cat sleeps peacefully.

I am grateful to have had a Facetime call with 12-year-old granddaughter last night, so she could show me her new braces.

I am grateful for a brother who helped our friend Fran with her car in the 20 degrees this morning.

Finally, I am grateful that my life is filled with people who give and give and give and give. I am blessed as the receiver and inspired to be more like the givers.

And…the painting crew nixed Danny Ocean. They requested Christian Nodal instead, for those of you in the know. Who knew. Not I.

I have a friend. She used to actually be a pretty close friend. We have so many fun memories, adventures we took, secrets we shared, long talks about life, parallel life experience. If I wasn’t calling my mom or my sister, her number was next on the list.

But something happened. I can’t even remember if it was a someTHING, or some THINGS. I can’t remember if it was even something at all.

I would call or email and she wouldn’t answer right away. Over time, the distance began to grow wider, the gaps between our conversations longer. Sometimes it took 2-3 tries before she would respond to me. My text messages to her sat out there in space, like I had never sent them to begin with. And then, out of the blue, she would reappear in my inbox, always with an apology for how long it had been.

I think about her OFTEN. Her image appears in my thoughts, and I wonder what she is doing today. I wonder what her Thanksgiving will be like this year. I wonder if she feels this void like I do. I wonder if she no longer wants a relationship with me. Is that why she went silent and disappeared from my routine? I mean, friendship cannot be one-sided, can it? It is like a partnership, right? Both parties must engage for the friendship to be healthy and living. I think, anyway…

If she would just say, “Hey,” I would be so happy.

FLIP SIDE.

I am that friend. I used to actually be a pretty close friend.

I don’t know what happened. Evolution of time, I guess.

I would get a call or a text during a meeting, or my phone would be on silent as it always is at work, and I wouldn’t see that I had missed a call until much later, but for some reason or another, I couldn’t respond right away. Maybe I was driving, maybe I was trying to remember all the things I had to get at the grocery store. Maybe I only had two minutes and knew that a phone call would require 32 minutes to catch up.

At first, it was a few hours of neglect and forgetting to respond. Sometimes I knew I should respond but my brain was tired and I just didn’t have it in me to talk or text or send an email. And then it would be the next day. And intentions were spot on – it was on my list. Gotta send that email today. Gotta make that phone call today. And at the end of the day, after second-guessing several times if this was a good time to call, or after a long day of focused computer-staring work, I just didn’t.

I just didn’t.

And the guilt began to grow in that petri dish of a conscious. It grew so much that every time I think of her, I think of the memories and that pit in the stomach resurfaces. Bad friend, Rhonda. Bad, bad friend.

I have that same feeling when I look at my calendar and see birthdays or anniversaries that I missed sending a card. I have that same feeling when a close friend gives me an incredible gift that took effort and thought, and I put off thinking ahead, so Amazon ordering or email gift card it is.

Why am I like this? Is it menopause? Is it lack of character? Is it laziness? Is it a mental/emotional misfiring? Is it just plain thoughtlessness?

Today, I am grateful for an abundance of friends, rather than a lack of them.

Today, I am grateful for those close friends who are still close friends even in the distance. They are the ones who understand and just pick up where we left off, with no mind to what happened in the gap.

Today, I am grateful for forgiveness and understanding.

Today, I am grateful for sunrises and fresh new days to try again.

Today, I am grateful for the age-old wisdom that in order to HAVE a friend, you need to BE a friend.

Today, I am grateful for reflection I’ve had thinking about all my friends and the diversity in my circle.

Today, I am grateful for that friend who finished her email last week with, “I will always love you.”

Today, I am grateful for a friend who is closer than a brother, who really loves me, who is always there and waiting for me, when I “pick up the phone” and call.

Today, I am grateful for the reminder through a song that was on the radio as I drove to work, that I’ve got a friend.

I am grateful for this particular smiley face that takes me back to the 1970’s.

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~ Mother Teresa

I am grateful for my husband’s smile. It is the first thing I see in the morning, and the last thing I see at night.

I am grateful when a stranger smiles at me, making eye contact. Eye contact in a busy world is becoming a novelty anymore, and that is sad to me.

I am grateful for dog smiles. They are real, and a smiling dog is contagious.

I am grateful for the times I see my Dad smile. It usually follows his standard, “Oh I’m okay but I’ll get over it.”

I am grateful to see two people smile at each other across the room, and I am just the observer of their unspoken conversation.

I am grateful to be part of a group of people who work together and spend time smiling at each other across the conference room table, because we genuinely like each other.

I am grateful for a brother who texts/harasses me when my teams lose because it DOES make me smile.

And I am grateful for reasons to smile. No matter our circumstance, we all have reasons to smile, if we just notice.

Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. ~ Mother Teresa

The simple things in life.

Looking at your phone to see your favorite number THREE times.

Having a boss ask if you would like a pizza for lunch.

Breathing in cold air after what feels like an entire year of summer.

Talking to a granddaughter on the phone and hearing another in the background say she loves Ama so much.

Feeling excitement about new adventures on the calendar.

Taking your place in stall #3 and minding your own business, only to find a visitor the size of your hand who decided to share space, and a co-worker names her Lucy Long Legs.

The smell of wet leaves and hearing them crunch under foot as you walk.

Soft cat fur between your fingers and the feel of a purr.

Friend hugs on Thursday night piano and bingo.

Having the best Dad. And having a Dad who is so very thoughtful and realizing he is loved by everyone who knows him.

Reading a reallllly good book.

Going back to the cancer center for the regular 4 month CT scan and follow-up, always with a little trepidation and bizarre “out of body” feeling that we’ve been here before but we no longer belong…only to hear that the scans are completely clear once again, and Sam is coming up on TWO YEARS post chemo.

…He surrounds me with loving-kindness and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things! – Psalm 103: 4-5, TLB