After yesterday, I just really wanted to fetal position and stay under the covers this morning. The warmth and comfort were just what I needed to soothe the stress felt all afternoon and evening on Wednesday as history was made in a disgraceful way. I knew I needed to force myself out of bed and get moving, though.

I could tell as soon as I left the kitchen porch that there wouldn’t be a sunrise to see. There were no stars watching me walk. I decided to leave my book alone and just feel the darkness of the morning as I walked. I’m glad I did. I needed the silence, and I needed to be aware of my senses for an hour to begin my day.

• The calico cat hunched tight and watching me warily from the curb
• The town alarm that sounded, causing multiple dogs to howl from their yards
• The smell of bacon frying, someone’s wonderful beginning to their day
• A child, hanging out the window at the side of the house and yelling to me, “Good morning!”
• Seeing small town USA begin to wake up, one glowing lighted window at a time
• Someone was getting fresh clean clothes straight out of the dryer to start the day
• Sounds of mooing and smells of manure coming from a lone cattle truck going down Main Street
• The beacon that draws me in – a house that keeps decked out Christmas lights on all night so that I have something to look forward to when I turn the corner
• The damp cold wind that hits my cheeks when I turn north
• The town is made up of 98.9% pickup trucks – at least it is at 7 am.

My sunrise wasn’t there to greet me, but as I turned back east to head home, I was reminded of my years in Oklahoma when I began to love the beauty of naked trees. When leaves are in full season, it is impossible to see the complexity of the tree and how beautiful the shape and the branches can be. The backdrop this morning was a blanket of clouds, and I immediately sensed that God’s sunrise was still there, as were His stars. They were just on the other side of His cloud blanket that made me feel safe and secure. Some days I need to feel safe and secure and a cloudy, cold day is a good day to stay inside and appreciate all things home.

I am grateful for my home.
I am grateful for my stairway that gives me a few more steps and a good climb several times a day.
I am grateful when I arrive back home from a walk and can sit down on the couch in front of a nice warm fire with my husband if just for a few minutes…before I go upstairs to begin work.
I am grateful for a blender to make breakfast smoothies.
I am grateful today for a coat and gloves.
I am grateful for a blanket on the bed and in the sky.
I am grateful for the sun that rose even after.
I am grateful for the sights, sounds, and smells of the early mornings.
I am grateful for II Timothy 2:23-24 today.
I am grateful for my Quaker heritage and desire for peace. I need to work on being Quaker these days.
I am grateful for those times when I come across a great quote.
I am grateful for a space heater that takes the chill.
I am grateful for the way my house smells.
I am grateful for an annoying cat that keeps me company while I work.
And I am grateful for tomorrow.

“Maturity is learning how to start when you feel like procrastinating
and learning how to listen when you feel like talking.”

It was too early to walk at 4 am, so walking will have to wait until end of day today. However, God still showed up when I couldn’t. This was on the outskirts of Hays America, and Sam stopped the truck so I could take the picture out my passenger side window.

I am grateful once again for an incredible oncologist and an appointment that couldn’t have been better.

I am grateful for nurse friends.

I am grateful for healing and good labs.

I am grateful for the privilege of working from a laptop with good internet coverage pretty much anywhere we go these days.

And I am grateful for another beautiful morning.

O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the worlds Thy Hands hath made…

My internal jukebox was playing loud as I walked this early morning. I am so very grateful that I grew up in a church that sang this song on a regular basis. I know the words by heart, and because of that, I can turn up the volume internally and sing to my soul’s content.

I left the house a little earlier since son wasn’t joining me to walk to the track. I planned to walk my regular route and get in 3.37 miles before the day began. But when I got to the big tree and saw what He was creating right before my eyes, I began to second guess my regular route that would have me walking away from the performance. By the time I got to the courthouse, I knew I had to turn around and go back so that I wouldn’t miss the opportunity.

As I walked, my pace picked up slightly, because with every block, the sky was changing and the houses were in the way. At the edge of town, I just had to stop and enjoy and sing to my soul’s content…how great Thou art, how great Thou art.

I am grateful for the opportunity this morning to walk 5.04 miles.

I am grateful for a healed leg and a huge scar to prove His healing.

I am grateful for a change in my route.

And I am grateful that I didn’t miss the greatest show on earth, and in the sky.

I am grateful for the awareness that has awakened within once again.

• I am noticing the sound of my shoes on gravel, the crunch rhythm keeping me company.
• I hear the morning song of a cardinal high in the grove of trees.
• I resist the urge to step on the sheet of ice along the curb that has an air pocket beneath it and is just begging me to crack it.
• The author reading the biography I am currently listening to mentions “filmstrips” as she describes elementary school, and it takes me back to the days when filmstrips were a thing and always a welcome break from division worksheets.
• The brick street sparkles with frost under the streetlight and makes my walking slightly precarious until I make it to the sidewalk at the end of the crosswalk.
• I feel the sweat beginning to form across my back even in the 30 degree morning, and it tells me I am doing good, keep going.
• If it weren’t so early in the morning, I would knock on the doors of the ones who are doing “before dawn” laundry and tell them thank you for the dryer sheet smells that make my walk very pleasant.

I am grateful for the beginning of my days now and the promise of Lamentations on this day that I have felt consumed by thoughts and tasks. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” 3:22-23 NIV

I am grateful to look forward to a new day tomorrow.

I am grateful today for a return to normalcy by way of Sunday morning Friends church in the sunroom, Sunday morning COR church in front of the fireplace, and afternoon Chiefs football.

I am grateful for a sister who makes me cry because of her compassion for others translated into passion for helping a Romanian family and sharing her story with the rest of us.

I am grateful for a brother who has such a way with words.

I am grateful for a husband who is deep down kind in word and in deed.

I am grateful for a daughter who hurts and lets me in.

I am grateful for a Dad who never ceases to amaze me on multiple levels.

I am grateful for a 50 degree afternoon to walk and enjoy a Sunday afternoon before a football game.

I am grateful for a good pair of walking shoes that I thoroughly intend to wear out.

And I am still grateful for a phone that takes pictures.

I am now two days back on track, not back on THE track, more like on the street, sidewalk, trail. I still need to work on starting an hour earlier…holiday weekends are lazy…but if I had walked an hour earlier this morning, I would have missed this gift God gave to me and me alone. I was the only one in this place at this moment to see His beautiful landscape from this perspective.

Today, I am grateful for an extra hour of sleep, and I am grateful Sam stayed asleep and didn’t wake up as I was gathering all the things in the bedroom to go morning walking, and I am grateful I didn’t forget my phone so that I could take the picture, and I am grateful for a fitness watch that allows me to pause my trek long enough to stop along the trail to take a picture and awe a little, and I am grateful for a few less ice patches in the street and on the sidewalks, and I am grateful for a great Audible book to keep me company and make me forget that I have no feeling in my legs in the 20 degree air, and I am grateful for new gloves that work well to keep my hands warm, and I am grateful I remembered tissues for the ever present bitter cold runny nose, and I am grateful for a healed leg so I can walk again, and I am grateful for a beautiful new granddaughter who is healthy and gives me one more reason to love harder and be grateful.

It’s funny how the turning of a page, the 12 gongs on a grandfather clock, the sunrise of a new day and year seem to energize and refocus a resolve to try again, do better, reach a goal.

Yesterday, I was irritatingly content to stay under the covers in the warmth of a morning, eat a cookie after lunch, and excuse the potato chips at the end of the night on the couch. But today is a different chapter.

Psalm 96 begins:

Sing God a brand-new song! Earth and everyone in it, sing!
Sing to God—worship God!

Brand new. Not, new to you. Not, used new. Not, new-ish.

Brand new.

This is a brand new day. There will never be another one just like it. God deserves my brand new outlook, my brand new attitude, my brand new mindset, my brand new song.

On this new day of 2021, I am grateful for a quiet morning walk in the bitter cold, me and my audible book keeping step.

I am grateful for a cardinal that greeted me as I sidestepped icy patches in the road.

I am grateful for a warm home, a fire in the fireplace, a new quilt, a heated towel after a long shower, a husband who changed the sheets and started the laundry.

I am grateful for time with our son last night, watching a movie, playing games, and driving out of town to watch the moon rise on a deserted dirt road.

I am grateful for the hope and joy a new baby brings.

I am grateful for my health, for my husband’s health, my daughters’ health, my dad’s health, my grandchildren’s health.

I am grateful for cinnamon rolls that turned out successfully and grateful for the absence of craving.

I am grateful that I am not just a project manager, not just a wife, not just a mom and Ama, not just a daughter and sister, not just a former music teacher, not just a broken bad choice out of shape introvert who can’t let go of my past – I am all these things. Take me as I am, Lord, in this condition, when I am first day hopeful and 351st day weary.

I am grateful for spiritual transformation and renewal. I am not as I was, and with the passing of time and the accumulation of knowledge and wisdom, my soul desires more. I want to be filled with God’s peace and His reassurance that I am in the palm of His hand and He will hold me tightly, no matter what this new year brings…

I am grateful for a very small circle who will love me and support me and encourage me.

At the end of this day, I will have a brand new granddaughter.

At the end of this day, I will have walked 5+ miles.

At the end of this day, I will have fed my body goodness in the form of food that strengthens and builds rather than food that contributes to slothful and unhealthy.

At the end of this day, I will have made some choices and decisions that will affect others.

At the end of this day, I will have created a new song.

At the end of this day, the day will no longer be brand new, and 2021 will be one day gone.

At the end of this day, I will be grateful for His never ending love for me as I am now, not as I hope to be on the 351st day.