I thought I was going to die this morning. It wasn’t a “life flashing before you” kind of moment when a semi truck is seconds away or anything.

It was a big honkin’ “this is going to make me healthy” pill.

I am no nada not joking.

Life is a comedy act but not a laughing matter, ya know. Sam had just left for work and Tate the cat wasn’t even around to witness – he was out guarding the compound from the evil stray cat and enjoying his laid back life pouncing on grasshoppers, while I was inside thinking “this is the big one.”

My day begins at my desk in front of three big monitors. My devotions are done, I peruse Facebook for a few minutes, and I gather 15 supplements in the palm of my hand and swallow them all in two batches before diving into research and email sending for my job.

I USED to think supplements would counteract all the junk food and picky proclivity and I would be graced into good health. My former herb-and-vitamin-loving mom-in-law begged to differ, but one thing I DID learn from her was how to swallow a massive amount of supplements all at once. There might have been a few stupid challenges many years ago to see who in the family could down the most at one time…I digress.

Today was like every other morning at this stay-at-home job. I had finished my egg, cut a few apple slices, and got to swallowing my nutrients. Every once in a while, one will go down wrong, and it takes a bite of something or a swig of water to help it go down the pipe. But today was a different story altogether.

This particular swallow brought that deep down in the pipe pain that doesn’t go away with extra swallows – it was past the point of swallowing. I am typing the word “swallow” too much. But I was swallowing and swallowing and the pain just got worse. I drank my water. Swallowed. Several times. Swallowed. I sliced a couple of apple slices and downed those. Swallow swallow. Still major crying out pain quietly to myself. And I began to have a hard time breathing to the point of minor panic and no breathing.

To make a long story a little shorter, I thought I was going to die this morning and I am grateful I did not.

I am grateful that Sam didn’t come home to find me unconscious in my apple and horse pill spittle.

I am grateful I didn’t fall down the stairs as I was desperately trying to figure out how to dislodge and breathe.

I am grateful Tate the Potato wasn’t panicked and stayed calm albeit with his unsympathetic, annoyed stare.

I am grateful I wasn’t on a video call with the office co-workers who would have laughed at my distress while calling 9-1-1 which would do no good out here where the town siren is the distress call of choice.

I am grateful I had enough sense about me to watch myself suffocating to near death in the bathroom mirror, looking at my horrified face with the thought, “THIS is not how I was supposed to go.”

And I am grateful that God had the same thought.

False alarm, Tater. Sorry to interrupt your morning hopper hunt.