How many times did I cause my parents pain after I grew up and was no longer “theirs?” What were the choices I made that made my mama’s heart hurt?

I can think of so many…but at the time, I was too engrossed in my own life and my own selfish world to even comprehend the silent impact my choices had on the ones who raised me.

I have a friend who is grieving a decision her child has made, and it has stirred a flood of emotions for me, as well. I watch her hurt and love hard, quietly being a mom who cannot change a mind, who has lived a life full of experience but is helpless to advise one who is determined to proceed down a path.

It is difficult mothering an adult child. Our duties to shelter and protect and train that we once took for granted in the middle of physical exhaustion and living life with littles now comes to the forefront of our mind after our duty to shelter and protect and train is long gone.

Parenting an adult child now shifts to quietly listening, showing up when asked, only offering advice when requested, welcoming with open arms, and showing that unconditional love, even when the love is not always returned.

Today, I am grateful for wisdom that comes with age. 54 years in, I know now how Mom and Dad felt.

Today, I am grateful for the pain, the tears, the loneliness. These emotions are reminders that God blessed me with the responsibility of motherhood and gave me two beautiful and priceless gifts, and even though they are now gifts from a distance, they are still my responsibility to uphold in prayer and mine to love hard.

Today, I am grateful for the reminder that I am not perfect. Just because I am a mom does not mean I am perfect. I am human. I have feelings. I have good days, and I have not-so-good days. I made and still make choices and decisions in my adult life that make others cringe, and I must learn to show grace, give space, and forgive, just as others have done for me.

Today, I am grateful for the beauty of a mother’s love, for my friend’s wounded heart that shows she loves hard and is the best mama for her adult child.

Today, I am grateful to still be the mom of the most wonderful girls in the world.