This week, my church devotions are focused on the verse in the Lord’s Prayer, “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

It has been refreshing to hear the differences between the words sins, debts, and trespasses. It has been enlightening to understand the Greek words used in scripture: “hamartia” and “paraptoma” and “opheleima.” It has been refreshing to be reminded about our need for forgiveness and the necessity to forgive.

What has been perplexing to me, however, and what has been continually on my mind…when we ask for forgiveness from others, and it is not extended to us, where do we go from there?

I find myself in this position with a few people in my life. I have acknowledged my wrongdoing, I have repented of it, I have asked to be forgiven, I have taken those steps towards reconciliation, I have put myself in that vulnerable position, and yet, I have been met with silence.

The heartache is real. The Looney Toons going-over-the-cliff-at-a-dead-run-only-to-realize-there’s-nothing-beneath-you pause is gut-wrenching. And, it is where I find myself with these few relationships. Met with silence and a back turned.

I am grateful for all of the scripture on forgiveness, on turning to God in times of trouble, on casting all my care on Him. Psalm 103:9-13 is where I rest.

I am grateful, I guess, that I don’t have the answer to “where do I go from here?” It makes me just want to keep trying to run full speed ahead off that cliff – maybe this time I will make it to the other side and I won’t be met with a cold shoulder, with silence. Maybe just maybe it will be a smile, or an invitation, or a hug with an, “I forgive you.”  Or maybe, just maybe, I will get an “I’m sorry I have not accepted you. I have missed out on a big part of your life.”

But mostly, I am grateful that God has forgiven me, and I have forgiven myself, and I have been able to forgive the ones who have been the source of many hurts in my life. I am grateful for the support and encouragement from those in my life who tell me to keep running off that cliff, keep reaching out, keep trying.

Beep beep.