Yesterday’s message at church was based on “The Greatest Showman.” WONDERFUL MESSAGE. I will listen to it again this week. But the music was also very powerful. And when a young woman came out and sang one of the themes to the movie, it brought back memories of just a couple of days earlier when I was upstairs working and the grandchildren were all downstairs playing. They were making lots of music, so I decided to go downstairs for a break and secretly record them. They were singing and dancing and putting on a show to the song, “Never Enough for Me” from the movie.

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We got out of the pickup last night, and the first thing I saw were painted rocks on the ground, arranged in a nice little circle, accompanied by a toy snake, perfectly positioned for scaring Ama.

And then I walked inside and saw a ziploc bag of spent fireworks confetti collected by my 4-year-old granddaughter.

(sigh)

Walked a little further and there was a stainless fridge covered in sticky.

I made my way up the stairs, weary from a 5 hour drive, and when I turned on the bathroom light, there was a red toothbrush, suction-cupped to the mirror.

(sigh)

I was too tired to notice more, and to bed we went, eager to get a good night’s sleep, no bedtime story about Mother Bruce or Sophia’s Terrible Temper Tantrum.

This morning, I made my way back to that bathroom. There, on the floor, was a little hair band with some granddaughter hair surrounding it, next to a sticker from new clothes, most likely from the local Shopko, stuck to the floor.

(sigh)

There was no morning hug from a child with curly locks. There was no “Greatest Showman” singing and dancing while I worked. There were no distractions…

(sigh)

The elephant stomping when Lele wakes up is gone. The sweet little “Yes!” from 3-year-old Ande is just a memory in my head. The vision of Andrae playing catch outside is like “Field of Dreams…” just a fading memory. ‘Nissa’s morning hug and eagerness to please, Annie’s helpfulness and sweet demeanor, so, so missed. Aynjel on my hip with her crinkled up face when she smiles big, and the new cooing from Ansyr as her Mama talks big to her…

Like the fireflies in the jars on the nightstands, here for just a time…but we had to let them go.

Beds are stripped, floors are dirty, fingerprints are everywhere, yard is dotted with toys, and there are remnants of safe fireworks all over the driveway.

And it’s never, never, never…never enough, for me.

But I am so very grateful for the time we had. Thank you, Karissa and Mandrae. Thank you, Lord.