I never imagined this is where I would be.

I have imagined lots of things in my lifetime, however.

There was a very long season, most of my adult life actually…only Kathy and Sam have heard the details…a long season of being in the passenger seat of a vehicle and refusing to wear a seat belt, just hoping and imagining that an accident would happen and I would be freed from the prison I felt I was in.

A long season of sleeping half of my days away with the help of sleep aids, just hoping and imagining that the days would pass into oblivion and I could forget the misery.

A long season of escaping into a world of TV, watching and imagining someone else’s drama to escape my own. A long season of wearing the mask, putting on the smile, pretending that every day was National Smile Day, pretending that I got peace like a river…

Funny thing. That long season was the season that shaped me. It refined me. It was the dormant season of my life, although there were good times, too. There were parts of dormancy that I would not change for anything. There were many blessings during those years, and those blessings have turned into very sweet memories. There were many painful memories during those years too, and those are the times that brought about shape and refinement. I grew up during that long season.

Those are the memories that are dirt under the fingernails of God, evidence of hard work.

I think about the story of the useless broken water jar that leaked all the way down the path…and the result was a path of flowers that had been watered along the way. I think about broken vases from Japan that are much more unique and beautiful when their pieces are glued back together with gold.

Last night, Sam and I hopped in the truck and took a drive to watch the sun set on a country road. We talked about the projects, the many many projects. We talked about what the next season holds for us out here in small town USA. We laughed about the way we can already see changes in the way we do things and vowed we would not adopt the language of “I seen” and “I done did,” or “We have went.” We can begin to imagine lazy evenings on our porch with an iced tea and a good book. We look forward to a home filled with laughter and love instead of tools and turmoil.

We imagine it will be a very long season. And for that, I am grateful.