Mom used to have a pile of clothing that was her “mending pile.” There were the pants and jeans that needed a patch on the knees, or a hem that had come loose, or a button that needed sewn back on, or dresses that needed to be shortened or lengthened. Until she sat at her sewing machine, that pile would remain a lump in the corner.

I liked when she taught me how to sew a button. I could do that. She even had my sister and I take sewing lessons one summer and I made something horrific but she was so proud.  Florence Marie a.k.a. Mrs. Walter, my home ec teacher in high school, attempted once again to teach me the finer skills of patterns and zippers, but all I took out of her class was a dreadful pair of bright orange balloon pants. I am SURE I was dinnertime conversation for her and Glen, a.k.a Mr. Walter.

I would rather just sign in to Amazon Prime or any other .com and order new, rather than mend. It’s easier. It’s lazier. It’s not hard. It doesn’t require effort and time…and skill.

As we listened to the message from church yesterday, our pastor mentioned lots of different “Mom” scenarios and the hard parts of celebrating Mother’s Day. He spoke on the passage of scripture in Luke when Joseph and Mary lost Jesus and didn’t even realize it. He spoke about moms who live with guilt and regret, moms who have lost a child, moms who are estranged from their children, women who couldn’t have children, moms who have gone on to heaven and are no longer with us. It seems to me that the older I become, the harder this day is for me. For the last seven years, I have not enjoyed this day. And since my mending Mom has gone to heaven, I try to pretend this day does not exist and try to make it a regular Sunday, just so the pain is buried.

I can relate to our pastor’s list. (1) My mom is no longer here,  (2) I live with much regret and guilt, but (3) I am also a mom who is estranged from a child.

Mending is hard. Mending a relationship, a broken heart – I can’t just order a new one from Amazon.

I am grateful today for these words from I Corinthians, reminders to me that my years AS a mom brought me so many beautiful memories, memories WITH my mom live on, memories of BEING a mom carry me on the hard days when I hurt and feel sorry for myself, and they spur me on to live by these words, to continue mending, as I am able:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.