I walked into the kitchen this morning and began my routine.

1. Let the dog out.
2. Turn on a light.
3. Get a treat for the dog.
4. Let her back inside.
5. Go change the Love Does calendar and read the lesson before heading back to the bedroom to get ready for work.

I saw that yesterday was November 28 and immediately thought, “Awww, today is Mom’s birthday. Happy birthday, Mom.”

And then I turned that calendar, and this is what it said:

I was reminded last week of my flaws and past failures in a conversation about my role as a parent many years ago. I wasn’t the best Mom and I left many emotional scars on my daughters, I am sure. I have wished so many times for mental do-overs, and if I had a superpower, I think I might like the ability to erase bad memories from my brain and others.

I have been thinking about today’s verse all morning. Thoughts have swirled around in my head about my own childhood and the many times when Mom wasn’t cool under pressure, when she reacted physically and vocally in anger instead of responding with grace. I hadn’t thought about those experiences in forever but when I do, I understand my Mom. She lived for many, many years with regret and shame and she wished she could re-do so much of her past.

But as I am at the doorstep of sunset years, I have learned that we are our experiences – good and bad, those experiences shaped us into the person we have become, and we choose our focus. We can focus on the horrible, or we can focus on the memories that bring a smile to our eyes.

I choose to remember Mom as she would want me to remember:

 as a sister who loved her family deeply

She was like a little girl when it was time to see her sisters or her brothers – get out of her way because nothing was coming between her and that door if they were just inside.

 a wife who adored her husband

Her eyes lit up when he walked into the room in later years, and one of my most favorite sounds in the world was hearing her say, “DEL-marrrr!” when he teased her about something.

 a mom who shone with pride

Each one of us was her favorite child when she spoke about our accomplishments or our experiences or our travels to someone else. She cheered the loudest at ballgames, clapped the longest at concerts, and cried many, many tears of joy and sorrow on our behalf. Annoying memories have turned to very fond ones when I think back to the “Yaaaaaaa-hooooooos!” that were embarrassing to a junior high and high school ball player and the dozens of duties I had to perform when I heard, “Rhonda, come play your recital piece for _____.”

a grandma and great grandma who had “perfect” grandchildren

And she made sure everyone knew it, too. Pictures COVERED her refrigerator and albums were full. It was like heaven on earth to see a grandchild sitting in her lap, listening to a story or her singing, “I love you, a bushel and a peck…” so softly and sweetly in her alto voice. Her hugs were breathtakingly tight and her love for each of them was unconditional.

I, I am the one who wipes out your rebellious behavior for my sake. I won’t remember your sin. Summon me, and let’s go to trial together; you tell your story so that you may be vindicated! – Isaiah 43:25-26

I am grateful for my Mom.

I am grateful that she taught me and shaped me through good experiences and the bad ones, too, how to love Jesus, how to forgive and forget, how to love unconditionally, how to choose my focus, and how to be a grandparent.

I am grateful for all the happy memories that bubble up to the surface and allow the painful ones to rest at the bottom.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  If I could give you a morning sunrise on the Oregon or Florida coast with a sister or several, I would. I love you as much today as ever…