I am grateful for serious discussion, because it means my opinion has value.

I am grateful for the smell of coffee in the morning, because it means that Sam is near.

I am grateful for surprise flowers for no reason, because it means that Sam knows I love flowers.

I am grateful for road trips because they usually mean time with Sam and we enjoy the same things, so road trips are not for silence and sleeping and putting up with music or sports that does not interest both of us. And he puts up with me reading out loud to him.

I am grateful that one of our favorite things is going to church, that we both love the old hymns, and that we hold hands during EVERY prayer, always. I am grateful that God is our foundation and we’ve learned to live grace.

I am grateful that he makes me laugh and not care what anyone else thinks. Fanny packs and all.

I am grateful that Sam knows no stranger and speaks to EVERYONE he meets. Life is an adventure, everywhere we go.

I am grateful for the heart flutter of anticipation to see Sam again after a week of absence.

I am grateful for the home he is creating for us.

I am grateful that he includes me in the finances, wants me to have charge of my own, and teaches me about taxes and financial retirement importance.

I am grateful that Sam loves my girls and our grandchildren.

I am grateful that he loves to sing.

I am grateful that he loves to work – mostly grateful, that is. I’d rather he go overboard with his projects than go overboard with couching.

I am grateful that he is quick-witted, rarely grouchy, always kind, and the best living example of forgiveness I know.

I am grateful that he got me back on a motorcycle after so many years of fear.

I am grateful that he insists I drive the tractor, use a drill, and know the ins and outs of the projects.

And I am grateful that he calls me sweetheart, and darlin’, and dear…and Rhonda. I am grateful that he calls me by my name. He knew it was a big deal to me. In fact, he pays attention to what is a big deal to me. He holds my hand because that is a big deal to me. He tells me he loves me many times a day, because that is a big deal to me. He’s a big deal to me. 

Happy anniversary, Sam. You changed my world for the better, and I love you more and more with every passing day. Life is too short…and I am so glad we are better together.

I walked into the kitchen this morning and began my routine.

1. Let the dog out.
2. Turn on a light.
3. Get a treat for the dog.
4. Let her back inside.
5. Go change the Love Does calendar and read the lesson before heading back to the bedroom to get ready for work.

I saw that yesterday was November 28 and immediately thought, “Awww, today is Mom’s birthday. Happy birthday, Mom.”

And then I turned that calendar, and this is what it said:

I was reminded last week of my flaws and past failures in a conversation about my role as a parent many years ago. I wasn’t the best Mom and I left many emotional scars on my daughters, I am sure. I have wished so many times for mental do-overs, and if I had a superpower, I think I might like the ability to erase bad memories from my brain and others.

I have been thinking about today’s verse all morning. Thoughts have swirled around in my head about my own childhood and the many times when Mom wasn’t cool under pressure, when she reacted physically and vocally in anger instead of responding with grace. I hadn’t thought about those experiences in forever but when I do, I understand my Mom. She lived for many, many years with regret and shame and she wished she could re-do so much of her past.

But as I am at the doorstep of sunset years, I have learned that we are our experiences – good and bad, those experiences shaped us into the person we have become, and we choose our focus. We can focus on the horrible, or we can focus on the memories that bring a smile to our eyes.

I choose to remember Mom as she would want me to remember:

 as a sister who loved her family deeply

She was like a little girl when it was time to see her sisters or her brothers – get out of her way because nothing was coming between her and that door if they were just inside.

 a wife who adored her husband

Her eyes lit up when he walked into the room in later years, and one of my most favorite sounds in the world was hearing her say, “DEL-marrrr!” when he teased her about something.

 a mom who shone with pride

Each one of us was her favorite child when she spoke about our accomplishments or our experiences or our travels to someone else. She cheered the loudest at ballgames, clapped the longest at concerts, and cried many, many tears of joy and sorrow on our behalf. Annoying memories have turned to very fond ones when I think back to the “Yaaaaaaa-hooooooos!” that were embarrassing to a junior high and high school ball player and the dozens of duties I had to perform when I heard, “Rhonda, come play your recital piece for _____.”

a grandma and great grandma who had “perfect” grandchildren

And she made sure everyone knew it, too. Pictures COVERED her refrigerator and albums were full. It was like heaven on earth to see a grandchild sitting in her lap, listening to a story or her singing, “I love you, a bushel and a peck…” so softly and sweetly in her alto voice. Her hugs were breathtakingly tight and her love for each of them was unconditional.

I, I am the one who wipes out your rebellious behavior for my sake. I won’t remember your sin. Summon me, and let’s go to trial together; you tell your story so that you may be vindicated! – Isaiah 43:25-26

I am grateful for my Mom.

I am grateful that she taught me and shaped me through good experiences and the bad ones, too, how to love Jesus, how to forgive and forget, how to love unconditionally, how to choose my focus, and how to be a grandparent.

I am grateful for all the happy memories that bubble up to the surface and allow the painful ones to rest at the bottom.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  If I could give you a morning sunrise on the Oregon or Florida coast with a sister or several, I would. I love you as much today as ever…

I am grateful for plastic containers with lids that are not melted or deformed.

I am grateful for a card from Geri and a picture of Melissa and little lady.

I am grateful for sharp knives as opposed to dull knives, but I sure wish I knew how to make dull knives sharp again.

I am grateful for a few moments this morning in the bathroom as I got ready for the day. I stopped to pay attention to the sounds I heard from the open window: children laughing and yelling on their way to school, the hum of a drill, bleating of calves, singing of a chime in the breeze, and a dog barking.

I am grateful for Quaker worship. I miss that silent time of waiting and then witnessing the moving of the Holy Spirit.

I am grateful for running water and a brand new sink and faucet in the kitchen!

I am grateful for the best soundtracks in the history of the world: Dances with Wolves and Schindler’s List.

I am grateful for overwhelm in this season. I don’t have it all together, and overwhelm is a reminder that I am not alone, that God is for me not against me, that nothing can separate me from His love. Even in the chaos and the uncertainty and the loneliness of busy and disorganization and deadlines and all that causes my worry, I have a Dad and a sister and two brothers who love me, and I have Sam, my best friend and the one who holds my hand and talks to me and is walking through life with me. All of that is reason to be grateful for overwhelm, or at least be grateful IN the overwhelm.

I am grateful for text messages from Lori and Katrina last night. They brought happy tears in my sentimental moment.

I am grateful for the glimpse I had this morning when I sat up in bed at 5:45, of the first hint of the morning sky.

I am grateful that I know how to do research on LinkedIn, but I don’t have to know how to install a new dishwasher.

I am grateful that every morning I have my devotion time and I have a choice of devotions that help me to dive into scripture. Too often, I skim the scriptures that I think I know by heart and get to the message that follows. This morning, I was convicted to slow down and spend time reading and re-reading the verses so familiar to prepare my mind and my heart for the message to follow.

I am grateful for stress. It makes the easy days that much better, and it reminds me to take an aspirin.

I am grateful for cloud designs and jet trails.

And I am grateful for a little guy named Asher who made me laugh today because he has the cutest pronunciations and his mama sent me a personal video so I could listen to him all day long.

Tonight, I am grateful for meals with conversation. For too many years of my life, I ate meals in total silence or to the noise of a tv. My world has changed for the better, and now, meals are spent accompanied by conversation. Sometimes it is serious, sometimes it includes laughter, but usually it is thought-provoking or just sharing about the day’s events. No matter the topic, I feel wanted, needed, and very loved.

I am grateful for stacks of paperwork and mail and stuff gone through and purged.

I am grateful for all of the help we are receiving as we build a home for our future. Cosmo, Paul, MJ, Hong, Dave, Dad, Mike, Jamie, Fletch, Maria, Tim, Ron, Allen, Duane, Dana and her boys, and now this coming weekend – John and Linda, David and Julie…

I am grateful for all of the love that is going into this home, evidenced in every room, through gifts given to us by Ken and Karen, Dwight, Angela, Michelle, Dad, Mandrae and Karissa and their children, Elaine, Linda, Geri, Delores…

I am grateful for a mailbox with a flag – old school and traditional, and I love it, rust and all.

I am grateful for the sound tires make when rolling slowly over a rock driveway.

I am grateful for hand-written thank you cards sent in the mail. This is a good month to start that practice of just telling someone “thank you” for the simplest of things.

I am grateful for cleaned-out drawers.

I am grateful that all it takes for me to have God’s ear is to speak to Him. I don’t have to go to a certain place, I don’t have to prepare myself, I don’t have to ask permission. I just have to open my mouth, or my mind, or my heart, or my thoughts. He hears me even when I have no audible words.

I am grateful for a little 2-year-old prayer on the phone this evening, mostly unintelligible, with the exception of “Ama’s house,” “Amen,” and “Wuv you.”

I am grateful for a boss who understands gratitude.

I am grateful for bandaids and tissues and dryer sheets and baby wipes, and an abundance of them.

I am grateful for that feeling I get when I am opening an Amazon box of something I ordered as a gift for someone else.

I am grateful for that feeling I get when giving a gift to someone, and I am grateful for the feeling I get when I can see or hear how happy they are to receive it.

And tonight, I am grateful for living examples of negativity. They show me who I do not want to be.

Purge the negativity. Talk more about your blessings than you talk about your burdens. And write someone a “thank you,” just because.

There is something very comfortable about the sound of the dryer on a cloudy and dreary afternoon.

There is also something soothing about hearing the steady rhythm of Sam’s breathing as he sleeps in the next room while I work.

There is something satisfying about climbing down from a ladder in the brand new kitchen after having scraped exploded egg from the ceiling and repainting to hide the evidence.

There is something peaceful about being away from drama and recognizing subtle reminders that life is much greater than the insignificant daily annoyances.

There is something so pleasurable about enjoying a lunch of beef noodle soup at the café on Main Street and guffawing about the whole town knowing my husband, thanks to his reputation for burning stumps in our front yard while a burn ban has been issued.

I am grateful for people who have a laugh funnier than what they happen to laugh about.

I am grateful for a new key holder to hang on our wall.

I am grateful that Sam insisted that I put every backsplash tile into place last night – it was my design (not really, I just found a picture and insisted it was THE one) and it was the first part of the kitchen vision, and it is now coming to fruition and looks SOOOOO good.

I am grateful that food explosions in this new kitchen have happened in process instead of at completion.

I am grateful for white ceiling paint that is pink until it dries.

And I am grateful that the police chief responds, “Oh, that’s just Sam,” when questioned about the guy who is ignoring the burn ban, which makes me grateful for friends in HIGH places.

We are, after all, your people
    and the sheep of your very own pasture.
We will give you thanks forever;
    we will proclaim your praises
    from one generation to the next. – Psalm 79:13 CEB

I am grateful today for warmth. The entire town was without gas yesterday due to debris in the line, and it was a cold, cold night.  It made me very grateful for an electric heater that took some of the chill out of the air while we were awake and project-ing in the evening. It also made me very grateful for good blankets on our bed.

I am very grateful for the 26 Kansas Gas Service technicians who had to come to every home and business in town, 950 according to their website, to re-light pilot lights. Our KGS angel arrived at 6:30 am and he said it had been a very long night.

I am grateful for a working boiler and radiators that heat this home very quickly, for warm water again, for a microwave oven that made a great baked potato since the restaurants were shut down last night, for a pressure cooker that made perfect green beans to go along with the baked potato, and for electricity to power it all.

I am grateful that I do not live in the Alaskan tundra. Nice place to visit, but I’m certain I am far better off in small town USA and the luxuries of living the civilized life.

I am grateful for friends who are skilled artisans who were not friends at first but have become friends because they are skilled artisans, we needed them, and they are kind and friendly. They are making our home of our dreams. The latest friend to drive five hours west, did this yesterday with some beautiful polished granite:

I am grateful that we still have an intact bumper and the deer with the rack stayed in the ditch last night.

I am grateful that I rarely have to drive at night.

I am grateful for the opportunity to listen to a couple of country groups that I had never heard before, thanks to the CMA Awards on TV last night while we stained a vanity in the middle of the great room. A lot of the music I could throw out the window, but Brothers Osborne and Eric Church…wowzers. And Carrie Underwood singing “Softly and Tenderly” was perfection. And Little Big Town and “Wichita Lineman” – loved it. And then there’s always Chris Stapleton, the guy who made me re-think country. Yes, former students, I am admitting I have caved. I have crossed over, with a pinky toe maybe, but I have crossed over.

I am grateful that Sam says “squarsh.” Or maybe you spell it “sqwarsh.” However it is spelled, he makes me laugh at 6 am.

So finally, I am also grateful for laughter before the day ever begins.

We finished lunch today, and I headed back upstairs to my office.

AAAGGHHHH!!

Sam yelled.

He motioned for me to come quickly and I could see he was staring at something in the new addition. OH NO. We have a bat in the house again?!

Nope.

It was Wroxy the wren, and she was so scared.  I am SURE she was looking for that aviary we are supposed to have in our entry.

They aren’t called house wrens for nothin’…

After Sam made a lot of noise that was disturbing to someone MY size, little Wroxy decided she was not welcome and flew out the open door. Sam shut the door and began to plug the hole where the deadbolt belongs, because it’s only been there for about nine months…

I headed back upstairs to my office.

AAAGGHHHH!!

Sam yelled.

Wroxy didn’t tell us she brought a friend with her.

There’s only one conclusion – hint hint, Sam I am.

You gotta be grateful for hints that fly.

I am!

I have an aviary today, sort of.

If you keep up, you know that I would LIKE a finch aviary, because I would never watch tv again, I would lose weight since I wouldn’t care about eating, AND, I would lose my “au naturel” frown that I have developed over time while I stare at the computer because I would smile all the time staring at sweet birds instead.

But I have an aviary today, sort of.

It’s actually my upstairs window. The window is closed, but on the other side there are no less than a dozen flies of varying sizes, from the monsters that are like little 747s in the bathroom when you least expect to be buzzed in the morning, to the tiny ones that are SO annoying and too fast for a swatter. They are trapped between my glass window and the screen that keeps them from afternoon sun and freedom.

I am pretending that they are zebra finches and lady gouldian finches and parrot finches and I am making up cute chirping noises in my head.

Entertainment is MADE in small town USA, I tell ya. Not provided, MADE.

*****

I am grateful for Romans 8:38-39. After yesterday’s tragedy, I needed to read and re-read. This is peace in the middle of confusion and fear and despair. This is hope.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

*****

Yesterday, I drove the 5+ hour drive west, back to small town USA, and for the first couple of hours, I had a dull ache in my stomach. It was an ache of “I don’t wanna leave the comfort and familiarity of the city and its ways, and stores, and people, and our church.” I love Kansas City. It has been a safe home for me for five years.

But then, in the third hour, I noticed that the ache was dissipating slightly, and I began to enjoy the drive and the view. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and the Flint Hills were rolling and a great contrast to the vast blue sky. I loved seeing the fields harvested and yet to be harvested and imagined the parked combines and grain trucks were due to a Chiefs game on tv.

In the fourth hour and beyond, I was so aware of how in the span of a few hours, my outlook changed once more, and I was watching the mile signs closely, anticipating being HOME, back in small town USA, back to a simpler life and schedule. As the sun set and the temperature dropped, my longing for our new home increased, and I LOVED feeling like I couldn’t wait to get there.

*****

http://cor.org/leawood/sermons#d/sermon/14891/cor_l

This message made me cry.

This message made me proud.

This message lit a fire.

And the Heartland Men’s Chorus that sang afterwards made me want to stand and shout. If you want to know what I am talking about, you really should free up your Friday evening… I have played Mark Hayes piano music for 30 years. I wonder if I could convince Sam to take a 5 hour drive on Friday afternoon.

The Chorus will present From the Heart, a concert of HMC’s greatest hits on Friday, November 10 at 7:30 PM in the stunning new sanctuary of the United Methodist Church of the Resurrection, Leawood, Kansas. Composer/pianist Mark Hayes will be featured, accompanying pieces he has written for HMC and presenting piano selections from his latest album.

*****

I am grateful for my imagination.

I am grateful for a sealed window.

I am grateful that I love BOTH of my hometowns, that I am not emotionally running away from one to another, that I miss one when I am gone but love the one I am in at the time. Bloom where you are planted.

I am grateful for peaceful five hour drives and beautiful scenery.

I am grateful for the nudging of the Holy Spirit during some invaluable teaching by our pastor.

I am grateful for continual reformation.

I am grateful for beautiful music that prompts tears to flow and a heart to burst with joy.

I am grateful for time spent with my dad at a great movie on Friday night, time spent with my CASA girl on Saturday, time spent with our small group on Sunday morning after church, and time spent with Truly Julie at the hospital on our drive back west.

It was a fulfilling weekend, for certain.

This is my friend, Julie, and her three adorable daughters.

Today is Julie’s birthday and she is spending it in a nice, comfortable hospital bed, complete with tubes and beeps and a beautiful gown with a bow all tied.

Her heart is bigger than Dallas and for that, I am so very grateful and privileged to know firsthand.

It is also a little ill and being tended to by a cardiologist, nurses, and a loving family.

I am grateful for a lady who has anxiety about a crowd of unknown people, just like me, so that we attracted and friended in a corner of a big room in Colorado one summer.

I am grateful she loves birds more than I do, because her love is contagious, and I caught it.

I am grateful that she taught me how to Facetime.

I am grateful that when I am around her, I feel loved and I feel normal.

I am grateful that her husband kind of sort of works with my husband – otherwise, we would have never met.

I am grateful that David treats her like a princess and is not leaving her bedside because he loves her truly.

I am grateful that she has three girls who I’m sure are in her hospital room with her, making her feel very loved and special right now. I can imagine the wisecracks but I can also imagine the heartwarmth.

I am grateful she has parents and in-laws who are supportive and helpful in her absence and love those girls fiercely.

I am grateful that she is my friend and is where she needs to be on this birthday.

Happy birthday, dear Julie. Much love and prayers…from me to you.

I am grateful for good advice…BEFORE I need it, not after.

I am grateful for paper towels.

I am grateful when the electricity finally comes back on, which makes me grateful for those guys who do that job.

I am grateful for howling wind because it makes me grateful I am inside and warm.

In order for this to happen, I would like a winning lottery ticket or a genie in a bottle.

I am grateful for good friends who don’t just offer but actually drive 3-5 hours to come and help us with our new addition, and I am grateful for the anticipation of a very fun and productive weekend.

I am grateful for wonderful news via two different text messages today from a former student and friend, and from Sam’s former nurse and friend. The first message, this morning:

“I’m pregnant!!”  

And then, this afternoon:

“I’m getting married!!”

I am grateful for letters mailed.

I am grateful for the smell of Lysol.

I am grateful for heartbreaking news that is a constant reminder of our need to be Jesus to others through ACTION instead of saying “Let me know if there is anything I can do.”

I am grateful for suppertime.

I am grateful for this song and the words that have been going through my internal jukebox all day:

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

I am grateful that I found an envelope this week that my sister sent a few years ago with Five Wishes, a document I need to fill out for my end-of-life wishes. I’m working on it, Angela.

I am grateful for a clean phone screen.

I am grateful for fresh breath, once again. I know I have used this one before, but people, come on. Fresh breath attracts instead of repels. Listerine. Minty fresh Crest. Scope. Certs. SOMETHING, for cryin’ out loud.

And finally this evening, I am grateful for just one more reason to work on convincing Sam that I need a nursing home finch aviary in our home, without the nursing home, but with the finches.