It’s all about perspective.

Sometimes, I have a hard time with this word.

This past weekend, Sam and I were on top of the world. We were on a road trip, one of our favorite activities with each other. We were going to our favorite place in Colorado to make new memories. We were also literally on top of the world, at least the Colorado world. This picture is at the top of the pass, some 12,000+ feet above sea level.

Glorious. Breathtaking.

Rainy. Cloudy.

And Sam likes to drive this way, with no windshield wipers to interrupt the view. No slap screech rhythm of the blades squeegeeing the water away.

Sometimes, I get so aggravated at the view. I want those wipers to clear the way and let me SEE what is ahead. Sometimes, I get a little annoyed with Sam’s “head in the clouds” vision and cannot understand why he doesn’t want to use those wipers.

Sometimes, I forget to sit back and quit worrying about not being able to see what is ahead. Sometimes, I neglect to see the beauty in the raindrops that make a pattern on the windshield of life.

I am sitting here in an almost-too-amazing-to-be-real resort room this morning, the sunbeams lighting the carpet, birds singing their morning songs, crisp, cool mountain air filtering in through not one, but TWO patios with doors open wide, and a fire in the fireplace because Rhonda likes the crisp, cool mountain air but also has a fondness for being warm and for loving a fire in a fireplace.

I sit here with this beauty surrounding me, and I have a pit in my stomach. It is a pit that is screaming “WORRY MORE!” “REGRET EVERYTHING!” “YOU’RE WORTHLESS AND UGLY AND OVERWEIGHT.” “YOU ARE A FAILURE.” “YOU MAKE A BIG DEAL OVER NOTHING.” “YOU ARE SO NARCISSISTIC.” “YOU DON’T HAVE THE FREEDOM TO STOP WORKING ON THIS TRIP TO ENJOY YOUR HUSBAND’S ADVENTURE.”

Raindrops clouding my view of what is all around me.

“Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. The teaching I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light” (Matt. 11:28—30).

Last night, I lost Sam’s chemotherapy dose. I was in charge of five little pills, and I lost them. And it tore me up inside. I don’t hide emotions very well, either, so an entire group of people knew that something was wrong and my emotions and failure affected all of them, as well.

This morning, we received a call from my Dad about wet carpet in the basement from a storm that happened a week ago. And it tore me up inside. We aren’t home to help. My Dad shouldn’t have to deal with this.

I am sitting here in this beautiful room, surrounded by beautiful mountains on a beautiful morning, and my husband is participating in a conference downstairs with other husbands and wives, all listening to amazing speakers and refreshing their souls, and I am sitting here in this beautiful room, surrounded by beautiful mountains on a beautiful morning…working.

Lord, help me to see what is right in front of me instead of what I WISH was right in front of me. Lord, remind me to be grateful for the raindrops in my view. Lord, help me to be grateful today for the warm fire and the cool, crisp mountain air that I am privileged to breathe. Lord, help me to appreciate the fact that the chemotherapy was found and work with me to let go of my failure. Lord, thank you for my Dad and for the fact that he called us, and even in his older age, he is capable to handle some things on his own. Lord, help me to be thankful that Sam is downstairs participating and enjoying his time instead of sitting here in this room not feeling well. Lord, remind me that I am blessed to have this job where I have been given the gift of working remote.

From a new favorite book, Only Love Today by Rachel Macy Stafford:

Just because I’m in the midst of a challenge doesn’t mean I can’t keep moving forward. Tiny steps count. Just because I face a giant obstacle doesn’t mean I should let it get in the way of living. Small actions make a difference. Just because I’m not out of the woods doesn’t mean I should stop looking for the sun. Minuscule efforts light the path. Today offers one empty box in the calendar of life. I will use it to perform one positive action that makes my heart come alive and connects me to what (or who) matters most.

If I just appreciate the raindrops and accept them as they are, I will be able to fully enjoy this: