Last weekend, my good friend Geri met me for two days of fun.

We did this last year, a reunion of sorts after several years apart. She wanted to introduce me to the world of craft fairs on steroids, and it was such a success for the craft fair and such a fail for my bank account, we decided to do it again this year.

Before we ever got inside the massive first building with 800 booths, FIRST building mind you, with 800 booths, I told her we needed a code word for Rhonda, so that when I was SUCKED in to the sales pitch, Geri’s job was to Danger Danger Will Robinson! me with the code word.

Code word: LOLLIPOP

It started out as code word SUCKER, since I have it stamped on my forehead. But that didn’t sound code-wordy enough, so we thought it would be more apropos to say something like, “I wish I had a LOLLIPOP right now!”

Fast forward to the end of the day:

Craft Fair = winner winner chicken fried steak dinner

Rhonda’s bank about = loser loser glad she’s not a boozer

Geri’s code word success = whale of a fail. dead on arrival.

Among the salt scrubs and scarves that ended up in bags to carry out to the car, we also carried out surf boards for the mature ladies who do not go in the ocean. I KNOW.

We saw these surf boards LAST year at the craft fair on steroids, and we were strong. We resisted.  But something happened in a year’s time. We got soft. Well, softer. Literally.

So, we are accountability suckers. 15 pounds by August. That’s our goal. Well, that’s MY goal.  I have no clue what Geri’s goal is other than to make Rhonda feel a little less lonely loser-ish. She is going to twist in solidarity, or at least make me THINK she is, since she is 6+ hours away from revealing her true motives.

We both love to eat. We are NOT dieting. We love our food. So we decided to lose by moving more. This oughta do it.

I had seen this surfboard on Shark Tank and it’s a piece of cake! It’s fun! It’s so simple! Just step on the thing and stand still – all you gotta do is the Chubby Checkers twist! I’ve got Chubby down. Check ’er off. I didn’t need no DVD to watch how to do this thing. Nooooo, twisting is easy.

Geri sent me an email after she began her dance. Apparently, she wasn’t as limber and nimble as Rhonda:

Subject: I’m a klutz!

“…What have I gotten myself into?…”

So, Monday night, I unwrapped that board, closed the door so that my Dad wouldn’t accidentally have something to laugh about, and I got on.

Fast forward to the end of the 10 minutes. I KNOW, 10 minutes:

I was sweating.
My calves were a little sensitive.
I was embarrassed.
Natia the dog was appalled.
I had managed to twist myself all around the bedroom while attempting to watch an episode of “This is Us.”
But I didn’t fall off!
And I thought, “What have I gotten myself into? I NEED A LOLLIPOP RIGHT NOW.”

The next morning, I decided I oughta watch that instructional DVD just to make sure I’m not missing anything – besides, there are OTHER things you can do to exercise with this surfboard.

What I learned:

1. Reading the instruction manual is never a bad thing.
2. Our little surfboard, as it turns out, is supposed to stay in one spot. If you are surfing and twisting all around the bedroom while attempting to watch an episode of your favorite show, this is not a good thing. It means you’re doing it WRONG, SUCKER.
3. Deep-down Quakers were never meant to dance.
4. This is going to be a hard 15 pounds to lose, so I better lay off a few more potato chips and help my twister out.
5. I am grateful for closed doors and the best number in the world: 11. That 11^th minute is from heaven.
6. I NEED A LOLLIPOP RIGHT NOW.

My snacks for today. (I’m not taking a picture of the crackers and the chocolate.)