Today is due date. She is not here, yet. So Ama waits in this season.

I wait in this season every year at this time. I wait for a sense of Christmas.

But this year, I wait for the birth of a granddaughter, an angel sent to fulfill and fill a home with joy unspeakable.

But this year, I wait for a return to tradition or at least a new normal.

I know that in some ways, I will always wait. Wonderful things that were will never be again. Hopes and dreams will always be, unfulfilled in my time.

Still, I will wait. I will wait with palms up, with my heart open and vulnerable.

It was Jesus who taught me there was nothing I could really lose if I had Him. He taught me to be palms up, just like He was. Palms up means you have nothing to hide and nothing to gain or lose. Palms up means you are strong enough to be vulnerable, even with your enemies. Even when you have been tremendously wronged. Jesus was palms up, to the end. – Bob Goff

I am grateful for uncertainty, because it causes me to rely.

I am grateful Christmas comes even if the “feeling” is not there.

I am grateful for opportunities to do for others because it helps take focus off of myself.

In response to all He has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good. – Hebrews 10:24 TLB

I am grateful for anticipation of seeing my Oklahoma friends once again and very soon.

I am grateful for stories from my daughter of excitement and fun in her home.

I am grateful that I will soon see it all for myself and have six little ones in my presence and watch my baby girl become a mama all over again.

I am grateful for time spent with my Bingo moms and Bingo dad because they wait in a different kind of way and we all share that sense of longing.

And I am grateful that I am strong enough and vulnerable enough in this season to be palms up, and…Jesus loves EVEN ME.