I am grateful for:

•  The hawk that parked itself on a branch of the tree in our back yard.
• Being able to visit Katherine at the hospital last night.
• A phone call with Geri.
• A freshly painted room and the smell that permeates the house.
• My daughters’ hearts for children in crisis.
• Gorgeous flowers that make my desk so beautiful and are head-turners. Thank you, Sam…

• CASA presents purchased and ready for delivery.
• Anticipation of a weekend visit from my Dad, my Aunt Drula, and my Uncle Floyd!
• The random memory about an hour ago of Mom’s rule about what we could or couldn’t call our backside. She always called it our “seat.” Oh my, that is so funny sounding. I was not allowed to say the B word that is also a conjunction, and she preferred I didn’t say the R word that is sometimes followed by “view mirror.” And I am pretty sure she was such a saint that any other crude words for the body part would be foreign to her. It’s the little things in life that make me smile sometimes…
• Excitement for the Christmas program/show at church on Saturday night with good friends and family.

• Another opportunity to watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” next week on TV.
• Bird nests.
• Chocolate covered peanut butter balls. I shall make some for the weekend. Mmmmmmmm.

I am grateful for miracles.

I am grateful that I will see Katherine tonight, who was taken to the hospital last night to get some relief from her congestive heart failure. I am grateful for the reminder of what my Mom went through.

I am grateful for a little baby girl who is struggling to breathe and her heart is working so hard to keep her alive in this moment. I am grateful that God can take broken hearts and give us His…

*****

I am grateful that when I was younger, I was a little crafty. I could macrame plant holders, I could cross stitch some fairly difficult designs, I could candlewick pillows.

Lesson learned: don’t always give your creations away. Save one for yourself.

I am grateful for memories of childhood fun. Angela, do you remember this?

We used to take old candles and melt drip them onto bottles or a stolen orange cone from some highway. Now THAT was a one-of-a-kind awesomeness. What were we thinking. We could’ve burned the house down. Those were the days…

I am grateful for memories of The Emporium in downtown Hutchinson. I loved going there to look at the blacklight posters.

I am grateful for memories of my two little girls singing a song about rocking little baby Jesus, both of them holding their little dolls. All because Grandma requested it.

I am grateful for snow globes.

I am grateful for Johnson Christmas reunions at The Better Book Room.

*****

I am grateful for Christmas programs past, those that I directed. I am grateful for the memory of the year at CBA when we filled the gym with cedar trees for a Christmas tree theme – it smelled so good – and one tree in the middle of the “stage” was pruned into the shape of the cross. I think that was one of my very favorite programs. Another favorite year was at Elyria, when the elementary students filled the balcony all the way around the auditorium, but the junior high and high school began the last song on the stage, with one soloist singing “Go Light Your World,” holding one lighted candle. After the first verse, she lit the next person’s candle and slowly the candles were all lit and the voices joined in the song until there were 200 young voices all around the auditorium singing,

‘Cause we are a family whose hearts are blazing
So let’s raise our candles and light up the sky
Praying to our Father, in the name of Jesus
Make us a beacon in darkest times

Carry your candle, and run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

And finally, I am grateful today for this incredibly thoughtful story by Ann Voskamp. There are many things in my life that I struggle with accepting, so many things that have happened and words that have been said, and my first thoughts are angry, hurt, bitter ones, accompanied by “It’s not fair.” We all experience sadness and regret and hold grudges to a certain extent and find it very difficult to let go and forgive. I love how she reached out today with her words and grabbed me by my heartstrings. Here is an excerpt, followed by the link to the story with pictures. This lesson will linger this month…

Your heart can’t forgive the words that should never have been said, your heart can’t forgive the remark that was more like a blade and left a mark how many years later. Your heart can’t forgive the step-mother, the side joke, the backhand, the over-the-top family that just gets under your skin.

Your heart can’t forgive. That’s why He gave you His.

When you don’t think you can forgive what she’s said about you —-

When you don’t think you can forget what he’s done to you –

When it’s His heart beating in you — you can forgive in a heart beat.

I look up from the sink.

The Christmas tree is there by the fireplace — and it’s right there, what all the hard relationships, gatherings, families need at Christmas:

The Tree is where God’s grace does heart transplants:

God takes broken hearts —- and gives you His.

When your heart hurts for a miracle this Christmas – by Ann Voskamp

Things that make the world a better place:

Glitter

Flowers in December

Fluffy pillows

Chicken noodle soup

The Sunday Comic section, or “funny papers” as my Mom called it

Chocolate chips

Barney Fife

A brand new wooden pencil freshly sharpened

A man younger than 40 who holds the door open for a woman of any age

Press’n Seal

Tricycles

People who still use those order pads with carbon paper in between

Children who sing nice songs in the middle of a store with no regard for anyone else, and adults who do the same

Bookmarks

Common English translation of the Bible

Lamplight

Jigsaw puzzles

Handmade potholders

…and for these things, I am grateful.

I am grateful that the TV hasn’t been on, the computer is not overworked, my phone is for phone calls and text messages and I don’t know where it is at the moment, and I don’t have a video game anything.

I am grateful for books to read.

I am grateful for the sound of the CVS paper sack that is just big enough for a box of Mucinex. It makes the best crinkly sound. It’s so good, I’ve saved the sack for future listening enjoyment.

I am grateful for disappointment because it makes the sweet things in life better.

I am grateful for a surprise visit at work today, complete with a dozen gorgeous roses.

I am grateful for shared Chinese food for dinner.

I am grateful for heartfelt conversations on the couch on a Sunday afternoon.

I am grateful for hope.

I am grateful new music on the radio.

I am grateful for memories of watching children open Christmas presents. It’s just not the same when there are no children on Christmas Day.

I am grateful for massage therapists and chiropractors.

I am grateful for warm gloves.

I am grateful for a good broom.

I am grateful for a wink, a hug, a squeeze of the shoulder, all to show me that I matter.

And I am grateful for an empty dishwasher.

I sat in the darkness this morning. I sat in silence as the heavy of the moment weighed on my shoulders. I sat. Trying to think of things for which to be grateful. I found a few things, but I had to look hard.

*****

I am grateful for a folding chair that has a little padding and a cloth seat in this cold dark storage room.

I am grateful for that door stop that is attached to the storage room door. Door stops don’t get enough credit. They are so handy, but no one ever tells them thank you.

I am grateful that I wore a dress jacket since that air is blowing directly on me.

I am grateful that I am in this dark storage room so that I do not have to see the pictures, see the tears, see the sadness.

*****

She was 49. My age. She has two daughters. Just like I do. She won her fight with breast cancer on my Mom’s birthday and finally got to go home, although she left a huge family and many friends behind to go on without her. I saw the reflection of her many pictures in the window of the door with the door stop as I sat and waited for my contribution to her service at the keyboard. I sat and felt heavier and colder and more sad as each smiling face, funny face, cheek-to-cheek picture appeared and then disappeared.

The day was dreary anyway, with a blanket of cold, wet fog covering Kansas City. It began this morning with a text message.

” Our little girl is not good. The doctors told us she is critical and they are very worried about her. The pressures in her heart are climbing and so far the medicine is not helping. Told us she is not old enough for a lung transplant…”

She is 12. 12 days. 12 days of anticipating her homecoming to a pretty little nursery. 12 days for her brothers and sister, waiting, drawing pictures for her, anxious to have a new little sister to play with. 12 days of anguish for Mommy and Daddy sitting in the bright lights room with beeps and machines and tubes and screens and sanitizer and the helpless smiles and shoulder squeezes that quietly say, “I’m so sorry.” That silently say, “I’m here for you but I don’t have words.”

The sadness is through to my bones tonight. It leaves a lump in my throat and another in my stomach. And I am reminded of the words spoken by the pastor this morning, the same words that came to mind in my darkest of days two years ago, three years ago, and 34 years ago:

I am grateful that in the middle of sadness, in the middle of the dreary of life, in the middle of the lump, God is here. He is part of the story. He IS the story.

I sit in the darkness of the evening. I sit in silence, the ballgame on TV and the quiet popping in the fireplace the only sounds of the night. The latest message that all is being done to keep her comfortable, that the lights have been lowered in the room, only makes the lump a little larger. But as we wait for the next update, I am grateful. I am grateful that even in the storm, even in the dreary, even in the sad, I know that He is the story, that my precious Lord was holding her hand, is holding a little girl’s hand right now, and will hold my hand…

I am grateful for a boss who thinks that closing the office early on a Friday afternoon is a good idea and does so almost every Friday.

I am grateful for bills paid and most Christmas presents purchased for grandchildren.

I am grateful for rainy days and an end to the rain before I go home after work.

I am grateful for a nice man who works down the hall who brought me a snack of Topsy’s popcorn because he felt sorry for me eating my Cheerios and apple.

I am grateful for this man who also shared two Christmas events with me and typed out the information, just because he is a nice man.

I am grateful for another successful recruit today and grateful it happened for Joyce.

I am grateful for good news.

I am grateful for healthy plants.

I am grateful for a WONDERFUL surprise in the mail tonight from Jared Wanzer – pictures of my girls and my grandchildren.

I am grateful for another surprise in the mail from Geri!  Falling in Love from Philosophy. I’m pretty sure I am smelling what Heaven will smell like. Wow, Geri. Wow.

I am grateful for the mesmerizing glow of a fire.

I am grateful for Dennis.

I am grateful that tonight is small group night and will be an evening of “Love Does” and Mexican Train Dominoes with friends!

I am grateful for a weekend to wrap presents.

And I am grateful for my bear nativity scene.

I am grateful for Cheerios. They make me cheerio.

I am grateful for the ability to and gift of sleep. It’s a hobby.

I am grateful for funny words that make me smile. Munch is the word of the day.

I am grateful for car keys in my pocket. There were times in my life when I did not have this blessing.

I am grateful for a winter coat to wear. Thank you, Sam.

I am grateful for dogs in Christmas outfits.

I am grateful for Mom and Dad’s old Reader’s Digest Christmas albums that always went perfectly with the Nativity Scene on the mantel, the Rudolph “Hi and Bye” at the front door, the baby food jar tree that sat on the hope chest, the Christmas tea towels that hung on the oven door, and the pretty glow of the Christmas tree covered in icicles.

I always thought that tree on the cover was the prettiest tree in the world.

I am grateful for chocolate covered peanuts and boxes of oranges and grapefruit from fundraisers at school and chocolate rolls from CBA and Aunt Alta’s Christmas wreath cookies and ribbon candy and paper sacks of treats after the Christmas program at church.

I am grateful for memories of throwing a fit in the aisle at Kmart because I so wanted a parakeet for Christmas and Mom wouldn’t let me have one and then getting a parakeet for Christmas a week or so later. Not grateful that I threw a fit but grateful that Mom and Dad loved me more than my selfishness.

I am grateful for the Pegues coins Dad would always get for my sister and me at Christmas.

I am grateful for funny laughs.

I am grateful for memories of sledding fun.

I am grateful for memories of the excitement of watching Rudolph on TV – it meant the Christmas season had begun.

And I am grateful for the song, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” It is the one Christmas song that makes me cry and wish I could spend Christmas with my girls and my Mom.

The Christmas Song – Natalie and Nat King Cole 

I am grateful for the inventor of the already peeled grapefruit in a container. The ONLY way to eat grapefruit. No more spoons with teeth, especially since we don’t have spoons with teeth. I love you, Del Monte.

I am grateful that when my mind tries to live in the past, the Holy Spirit reminds me that I live in the present and encourages me to focus here, not there.

I am grateful that last night my one good ear was tuned in pretty well, and I was able to hear the two owls in the tree past the swimming pool who then decided to visit the tree in our back yard. What a concert we had – my goodness, those two were either having a HUGE debate or they were our first Christmas carolers of the season.

I am grateful for owls in the city.

I am grateful that I was there when this picture was taken, and that I was privileged to spend time with these six children again.

I am grateful for news reporters and anchors who don’t constantly stumble over their words.

I am grateful for amazon.com.

I am grateful for simple lessons:

I am grateful for a friend who sent me her recommendations for bird books and CDs.  Thank you, Julie.

I am grateful for a slight touch of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). That little green blinking light on my phone drives me absolutely positively insane and reminds me that I need to walk away from technology more often.

Which reminds me to be grateful that I am the type of person who cannot crawl into bed at night unless it has been made first.

Which reminds me that water spots on shiny silverware are an issue.

Which reminds me that lights left on when no one is in the room will raise my blood pressure.

Which reminds me that water spatter and toothpaste spittle makes me late because I cannot leave the bathroom unless the mirror is clean.

Moving on…

I am grateful for gold dollar coins and $2 bills.

I am grateful for memories of the girls’ Christmas lights necklaces, my Christmas stocking, memories of the girls’ ornaments, memories of the baby food jar tree, and for memories of matching Christmas dresses my Mom and Dad always got for the girls.

And I am grateful for the song, “There’s Just Something About That Name.” I love the Gaithers.

I am grateful for conviction, even though it is painful.

I am grateful for aunts and uncles who are close and who keep in touch.

I am grateful for poinsettias and roses and an amaryllis that are making home more beautiful right now.

I am grateful for a piano to play when I’m sad.

I am grateful that tonight is “A Charlie Brown Christmas” on TV. Everyone should watch, because it is the best Christmas movie.

“THAT’S what Christmas is all about.”

I am grateful for three well-behaved young girls who carried great conversation with adults, who never once looked at a cell phone at the table, who were very respectful and kind and so pleasant as dinner guests. Kids don’t just morph into this – they are taught the way to act and behave. That causes me to be grateful for their parents, David and Julie.

I am grateful for someone’s lunch smell wafting down the hall.

I am grateful that today is Bingo day and I will see my friends again.

I am grateful for forgiveness when I am hypocritical.

And I am grateful for friends who took the time to write on a leaf and hang their grateful on our Thanksgiving Tree. It was a huge blessing to take the time to read them all after work yesterday and like a warm blanket for my heart.

I am so very grateful for one of the best Thanksgiving weekends yet.

I am so very grateful for our Thanksgiving Tree, full of blessings counted, handwritten on each leaf, some by me, some by friends.

I am so very grateful for grateful jars to remind our family and friends to record their blessings large and small and save them in the jar to remember next Thanksgiving.

I am so very grateful for a Saturday morning filled with laughter and love, a house full of people who are blessings to Sam and I.

I am so very grateful for a young man who works at McDonalds. He made us smile and gave us another reason to have hope in future generations. A couple of weekends ago, we stopped in the drive-thru for a couple of iced teas, and of course, Sam asked him some questions. He shared that he was going to a school musical that evening and was anxious for the end of his shift. So, yesterday, when we stopped to get two iced teas, we asked him how the musical was that he had attended, and the light bulb went on and he suddenly remembered us. He assured us that he had a great time and the musical was a little different than what he had remembered. Sam paid, the young man said, “Thank you – have a nice day,” and then added, “And, thank you for remembering that!” He was such a polite young man…and then we drove to the next window to get our teas, and another young man was so polite and respectful, and when we asked him what the other boy’s name was so that we could remember next time, THIS young man said, “Oh, he’s my twin brother!” These two boys must have some wonderful parents to have taught them the value of hard work and treating the customer with respect and kindness. We were very impressed with Jason and Justin and will look forward to seeing them next time. And yes, a phone call to the store manager is on my list.

I am so very grateful for the beauty of a moment: a fire in the fireplace, soft Christmas music playing, the warm glow of the Thanksgiving Tree lights and the stillness of the evening to quietly praise and reflect.

I am so very grateful for several miracles that took place in the world of an employee of Sam’s this past week. Their little girl was born with life-threatening circumstances, and it is no coincidence that God had His hand on many different situations in order to save this little life.

I am so very grateful for cardinals that sit on our table now, a gift from Dad, and a reminder of Mom.

I am so very grateful for hours spent around the table putting a puzzle together, playing Dominoes and Compatibility, and having conversation with my family.

I am so very grateful for Christmas wish lists to fulfill for three CASA girls, and for the reminder that giving to others is the best gift of all.

I am so very grateful for the gift of a smile, for the gift of really being listened to and cared for, for the gift of focused eye contact when speaking to someone, and for the gift of heartfelt conversation.

And I am so very grateful for a wonderful first year, and for a beautiful future together. Happy Anniversary, Sam.